After the disappointment

We had a long talk.  The chick was still jerking us around Saturday morning.  By the time she finally decided against meeting up, I was completely over it.  All I was annoyed about was wasting time trying to hook up with her.  Endless emails.  Exchange of pictures.  Agreeing to the various terms.

It was too much.

And I was feeling this pressure.  I always feel like I'm disappointing him when things go wrong.  If there's anything I never want to do, it's disappoint him.

man: Let's hold off on that for a while.  I'm tired of all the Craigslist bullshit.

me: I thought you really wanted this.

man: We'll hold off on that for now.  Maybe in a little while we'll try The Estate.

And I was surprised.  We had talked about The Estate.  We had a lot of concerns.  I picture people running around naked.  I picture people having sex all over the place.  I picture aggressive men and women coming on to both of us.  And I imagine I will be really nervous, and clingy, and uncomfortable.  Maybe.

Or maybe I'll be the confident one, channeling that for both of us, helping us to navigate our way through the place.  Maybe he'll be shy and bashful.  Maybe my emotions will be in check and I will welcome these strangers making advances and the women touching and talking to my man.  I can be very surprising sometimes.  That's why he keeps me.

We had a long IM the other night with a man who had been to The Estate.  It really made us feel a lot more comfortable about the idea.  He confirmed that there would be areas of nudity.  And there will be areas where people are having sex.  At the same time we won't feel pressured.  And it should be a place where we can find a nice couple to play with in a less public place.

Yes, I may write about all our crazy sexcapades, but that doesn't mean I want loads of people watching us.  If I was into that, we'd be working a cam site to make some money.  And given our creativity and passion, we'd be making a pretty penny, too.

Concerns about The Estate

Long before we ever agreed to look into a swinging kind of lifestyle, long before we ever decided to spice things up, I had heard of The Estate.

I guess I thought it was this elusive Craigslist code I had yet to crack.  There were lots of posts about meeting at The Estate.  What was this estate?  Was it a euphemism?  An actual location?  Some super magical event that I had to be privy to?

And so, I Googled it.  And I was shocked.  The Estate was a place.  It was a super secret location in my city where like-minded adults gathered to participate in like-minded consensual activities.  Clothing around the hot tub was optional.  There were private party rooms.

In fact, I was as intrigued as I was appalled and frightened.  At the same time, as a blogger, I tend to put myself out there for the sake of the story.  Imagine the tales I could tell if I simply experienced it.

We talked about it.  And in my mind, it's just a modern day version of Caligula.  Seen that movie?  It was the dirtiest movie I had ever seen in high school.  And for reasons I still don't understand, it wasn't behind the curtain.  There was tons of sex and nudity and every kind of debauchery imaginable.

I guess that's pretty much how I imagine The Estate.  And I'm not sure I'm ready for that, even as a spectator.  If I wanted an audience, I'd operate a cam business.  At least I'd be making money.  And I wouldn't see everyone watching me. 

Okay, maybe I've considered it--a little. 

But about the estate.  Do we go?