A response...

Since I haven't been doing anything sexy lately, I haven't been checking my email.  Well, technically, it's our email.  It's the email that we have had for our feisty life.  It used to be so fun for us to check it throughout the day.

I would report to him, he would contact me.  It was one of the many ways that we stayed so connected.  I loved it.

Yeah, so I haven't been looking at it lately.  Okay...here and there, I have.  Clearly, however, he has no interest.  No interest in our email.  No interest in sex.  No interest in me...other than in a purely companionable way. 

*sigh*

I think I've taken it rather well.  Still, I miss the closeness.  I miss having him in me.  I miss having him fondle and play with me.  I miss fondling and playing with him. 

He still holds me nightly.  We still spoon.  He even frequently cups my boobs as we fall asleep.  It's good.  It's nice.  It's enough...for now.

Only...it's not. 

We had a response...to a chick we contacted a month ago...on Rudester.  She would love a threesome.  She would love to give me a nice girl on girl experience.  And she loved my nipples. 

So now I have to wonder how I broach this subject, how I bring up the longing and the need.  I wonder if I can convince him to participate...or watch...or watch while I participate.  I need me some serious sex.  And we're just this side of the weekend.   Or as I like to think of it...three official weeks of drought.

Somehow...I will bring it up.  Just not right now so much.

After the disappointment

We had a long talk.  The chick was still jerking us around Saturday morning.  By the time she finally decided against meeting up, I was completely over it.  All I was annoyed about was wasting time trying to hook up with her.  Endless emails.  Exchange of pictures.  Agreeing to the various terms.

It was too much.

And I was feeling this pressure.  I always feel like I'm disappointing him when things go wrong.  If there's anything I never want to do, it's disappoint him.

man: Let's hold off on that for a while.  I'm tired of all the Craigslist bullshit.

me: I thought you really wanted this.

man: We'll hold off on that for now.  Maybe in a little while we'll try The Estate.

And I was surprised.  We had talked about The Estate.  We had a lot of concerns.  I picture people running around naked.  I picture people having sex all over the place.  I picture aggressive men and women coming on to both of us.  And I imagine I will be really nervous, and clingy, and uncomfortable.  Maybe.

Or maybe I'll be the confident one, channeling that for both of us, helping us to navigate our way through the place.  Maybe he'll be shy and bashful.  Maybe my emotions will be in check and I will welcome these strangers making advances and the women touching and talking to my man.  I can be very surprising sometimes.  That's why he keeps me.

We had a long IM the other night with a man who had been to The Estate.  It really made us feel a lot more comfortable about the idea.  He confirmed that there would be areas of nudity.  And there will be areas where people are having sex.  At the same time we won't feel pressured.  And it should be a place where we can find a nice couple to play with in a less public place.

Yes, I may write about all our crazy sexcapades, but that doesn't mean I want loads of people watching us.  If I was into that, we'd be working a cam site to make some money.  And given our creativity and passion, we'd be making a pretty penny, too.

And--we're off--again!

Things were really heating up.  We were having some really spicy emails.  I was coming home all hot and bothered.  My man wasn't in the mood so much.  On the bright side, my toys always are!

And he doesn't mind when I pleasure myself.  I think he likes it.  Still, he has yet to watch me do it.  I'm not sure whether that's more about my being self-conscious, or that he knows his presence would disrupt the entire experience.  Who knows?  Maybe I'll like it.

We might have a chance to find out.  Know why?

Simple.  We won't be getting together with her this weekend.  Yup.  Once again, she is backing out.  So it's something like...fool me once, shame on you.  Fool me twice...

And I'm done with her.  We're done with her.  We planned.  We prepared.  Now...done.

Any ideas?  Where ever will we find a third?  Or...a same room, no swap couple.  I'm not terribly picky any more.

Oh, and The Estate is sounding more and more intriguing.  Come back and I'll tel you why.

Finding a third...take two!

Yes, when we were in our frantic 'gotta find someone' stage, we were messaging women left and right.

We contacted women on Craigslist.  We contacted women on Rudester.  We contacted women on Nexxus.  We were really putting ourselves out there.  We were really making the effort.

And it seemed like no matter how hard we tried, no matter how much we were willing to bend our standards, we simply couldn't find anyone.  All the women who claimed they wanted threesomes suddenly backed down, or never contacted us, or decided they were lesbians and not bi-sexual.  We were facing one disappointment after another.

Well, finally one of the first chicks we contacted has returned our message.  Now, it took her weeks, mind you.  And so it may take weeks for this to actually come to fruition, but I have to tell you, in my life, I have learned there are things that are simply worth the wait.

My man, now he was definitely worth the wait.  I went through a ridiculous amount of BS in relationships and my marriage.  And now, we are in a great place.  All the junk from our past has simply fallen away.

It took time.  And work.  And patience.  All I know is that I would do it all again because of where we are now.

Thank you, all of you who keep telling me to be patient, that this threesome will happen, that the right chick will come along.  I believe you may be right.

Back to the drawing board

It was a difficult phone call to make.  We had spent the last few days planning on how to make the threesome work at our house.  We live in a very social neighborhood and it never quite occurs to anyone that when we have company, we'd like to be alone.  And so we anticipated intrusion.  And we figured that in order to keep at least some of our ground rules, we'd have to prep the study.

So, for me to call and tell him, the day before this was all to take place, that it wasn't going to happen, that she had found a maybe lesbian to be with Friday night instead wasn't fun.  He was justifiably annoyed and frustrated.  I was, too.  We had bent more than we wanted for this to happen and just when it seemed it was happening, it wasn't.

And you know what that meant: start the search over.  Which meant that once again we had to wonder where to begin.  In one foul swoop, Craigslist had proven to be as unreliable as he imagined it to be.  He wouldn't want to post there again, even though it was free.  We had to find another way.

On the bright side, he wasn't pressuring me.  There was no rush, in his mind.  We were good.  We were better than ever.  He couldn't keep his hands off me.  He was more passionate than he ever had been.  And, more than that, he was more expressive of his feelings.

This man who feared those three little words was telling me every day, multiple times a day, that he loved me.

man: You know why I did (blank)?

me: Why?

man: Because I love you.

My heart was swelling.  We were in such a good place.  And that's why we were in no rush, willing to find the right one.  There were steps to be taken.

me: If we are going to create a profile on one of those sites, we need pictures.

It was an offhanded remark.  I knew he wasn't fond of us having pictures online.

man: No face shots.

And somehow that seemed worse.  But he was right.  With our professions, no face shots.

Just in case he felt frisky, I had moved the camera into the bedroom.  It paid off.

me: What if our reward for getting our work done over the weekend is that we create our profile and contact some people?

man: Then  we'll need pictures.

me: The camera is right there.

Then we were naked.  We were licking and kissing and touching.  He was in me.  We tried every pose and angle imaginable.  There were some fifty shots to choose from.  That may seem excessive, but we're on a mission.  We'll choose a few.  And the rest?  Well, they are just for us.  The way it should be.

We asked, she answered

It was more than we could hope for.  I'm not sure I expected a response.  Maybe I was hoping that there would never be a response.  Maybe I was secretly hoping that agreeing and pursuing would be enough, that he would suddenly see me differently and we'd be magically healed.

Then I opened the email.  It came a mere four hours after I placed the ad.  I'm thinking that was a fast response.  And it was a good one.

The woman basically explained that she was interested in finding a couple she could have some fun with.  She talked about what she was looking for and how it matched with our ad.  She didn't want a relationship either.

So, I contacted my man.  And here's what's interesting.  Most of the time, we never talk during the day.  We don't flirt.  We don't call without reason.  We aren't playful.  It is all business.  This is a learned behavior that has developed from the beginning of our relationship.  He always made it clear that he couldn't just talk on the phone during the day because he was busy.  There had to be a point, a purpose to his calls.  And on days that he wasn't working, he liked the down time, the quiet, the away from me to be by himself.  So, we rarely talked.

I hated it.  I didn't feel close to him so much of the time because of it.  It made me feel like I was grasping to be with him every moment and like he was pulling away.  I need intimacy in all its many forms.

Things changed so quickly between us.  Good things.  Suddenly, as I was emailing this chick, trying to get to know her, see if we could agree to some terms, see if we were actually going to meet up, we grew closer.

Suddenly, this man who rarely texted me, wasn't really playful, was a bit standoffish at times became intimate.  He would text me if he hadn't heard from me in a few hours.  I sent him a sexy text here and there, letting him know that I was horny or excited or I simply wanted him.  And as we worked out the details, we were building an even tighter bond.

Suddenly, this man who went a month without having sex with me was having sex with me two and three times a day.  And good sex.  Really good sex.  Amazing sex.  Nothing had happened yet everything was better.

Let me tell you all about it.

So, how do we find a third?

This became a huge discussion.  Okay, he finally had me tacked down.  I finally had agreed to give it a shot.  I was willing to spice up our relationship by inviting a girl to come play.

Now, where would we find such a willing participant?

This would prove to be the greatest challenge.  We had rules to follow, remember?  We weren't trying to build a relationship so that meant that anyone he had a relationship with before was simply not an option.


There were nights we laid there in bed, fondling one another, racking our brains for a willing participant who wouldn't wreck our bond.  No, not her, they had dated.  I didn't care that she was bi and had commented that she thought I was hot before.  Um, not sure about her, despite the fact that she had merely been his fuck buddy, was a really fun toy, and would do anything he asked.  I figured that one would definitely want to break the rule about having him in her vag.  Sorry, he's all mine.

And so with little knowledge to go on, we turned to the one place I knew we might have some luck.  (It's not like there's a manual to this alternative lifestyle, you know?)  We visited Craigslist.  Hell, we did more than visit.  We placed an ad.  I was rather proud of it:

I've never been with a woman, but would like to try. He's had numerous threesomes and thinks it would spice up the relationship. We're looking for someone who is bi, experience a plus, for periodic encounters. We're not trying to make friends, or start a relationship. We just want someone to play with once in a while. Discretion a must.

Respond if you're interested.

Pretty straight-forward, right?  And we posted it under casual encounters, mw4w.  I sent it out into the universe wondering if anyone would even respond.

And lo and behold, a girl did.