When you're not feeling sexy

I have to tell you, there are times that I simply don't feel that sexy.  Times when I don't feel like being sexy.  But still, at no time do I ever say no to getting sexy with my man.

Don't get me wrong.  Over the years he has turned me down plenty.  And that will be his chief excuse.

man: I don't feel sexy right now.

Really?  You have a raging boner and you don't feel sexy.  Okay.  It's morning wood.  I can see where it might simply be the old pee hard on.

And so I let him alone.  I'm nice like that.  And I have learned that forcing the issue doesn't really help anything.  So no forcing the issue--ever.

I think I'm still recovering from our weekend of unbridled passion.  My vag is finally not one aching unit.  And all indications are that he might very well be on his own road to recovery.  At least I hope he recovers soon.

These periods where I'm simply not feeling it are always brief.  I love him.  I lust him.  I long for him.  And while I love that he holds me every night and always has to be touching me, even if it's while we are on the couch watching television, it will never replace the intimacy that we get from sex.

I love that intimacy.  Still, we have to discuss and explore what intimacy we're comfortable sharing with others.  We plan to move forward and try something new over the weekend.  With that in mind, we need to get moving, get searching, and nail down where we stand on everything.

Where do  you draw the line?  What are we comfortable with?

He's still haunted by his dream.  So, I know he's not comfortable involving another man.  He's subtle like that, see.  At the same time, I think we need to explore our dealings with other women.  I'm not ready to see him in another woman.  Call me crazy.  I'm going to have to work up to that.

And so we've been talking about things.  We've been discussing my concerns.  More than anything, I don't want things to change between us.  I still want us to have our special alone time.  I don't want everything to from now on always have to involve someone else.  These are things I think about.

Maybe I'm a little normal.  I can't just jump both feet without considering the consequences and every angle.  I love him.  All of this matters.

Still, I'm intrigued and eager to move forward.  Guess I'm feeling a little sexy. 

We asked, she answered

It was more than we could hope for.  I'm not sure I expected a response.  Maybe I was hoping that there would never be a response.  Maybe I was secretly hoping that agreeing and pursuing would be enough, that he would suddenly see me differently and we'd be magically healed.

Then I opened the email.  It came a mere four hours after I placed the ad.  I'm thinking that was a fast response.  And it was a good one.

The woman basically explained that she was interested in finding a couple she could have some fun with.  She talked about what she was looking for and how it matched with our ad.  She didn't want a relationship either.

So, I contacted my man.  And here's what's interesting.  Most of the time, we never talk during the day.  We don't flirt.  We don't call without reason.  We aren't playful.  It is all business.  This is a learned behavior that has developed from the beginning of our relationship.  He always made it clear that he couldn't just talk on the phone during the day because he was busy.  There had to be a point, a purpose to his calls.  And on days that he wasn't working, he liked the down time, the quiet, the away from me to be by himself.  So, we rarely talked.

I hated it.  I didn't feel close to him so much of the time because of it.  It made me feel like I was grasping to be with him every moment and like he was pulling away.  I need intimacy in all its many forms.

Things changed so quickly between us.  Good things.  Suddenly, as I was emailing this chick, trying to get to know her, see if we could agree to some terms, see if we were actually going to meet up, we grew closer.

Suddenly, this man who rarely texted me, wasn't really playful, was a bit standoffish at times became intimate.  He would text me if he hadn't heard from me in a few hours.  I sent him a sexy text here and there, letting him know that I was horny or excited or I simply wanted him.  And as we worked out the details, we were building an even tighter bond.

Suddenly, this man who went a month without having sex with me was having sex with me two and three times a day.  And good sex.  Really good sex.  Amazing sex.  Nothing had happened yet everything was better.

Let me tell you all about it.