The conversation went a little something like this

I know I seem to have fallen off the grid.  But it's damn hard to write about sex when you aren't having any.  Finally, I had to address the glowing neon pink elephant in the room.

me: Is it me?  Are you not attracted to me anymore?

man: No.  We just have a lot going on right now.  Sex isn't on my mind.

me: *sigh*

man: I've gone as long as six or eight months without sex when I've been going through changes.

I must have looked really alarmed at this point.  I remember letting my head hit the door frame as I leaned against it.  And I'm pretty sure there was more sighing and my eyes may have even filled with tears.

man: I'm not saying we will go six or eight months.

me: I can't do it.  Two weeks is about my limit.

man: I know.  You were masturbating last night.

me: What would you like me to do?  I can't go that long.

Seriously, I can't.  That was about my breaking point.  And he loves when I masturbate in front of him, so I suppose I was secretly hoping that it would turn him on, spur him to action.  No such luck.  In fact, he was annoyed so I had to take it to the living room.

man: It will get better.  Give me time to adjust.

I'm giving him time.  All I ever do is give him time.  It's the story of my life.  Being with him has been this amazing practice in patience.  And I worry that one of these days I'm going to tire of it and move on.  And I suppose I also worry that I won't.  I worry that I'll stay longer than I should, that I'll hold on when I should let go.

But I'm here now.  And I'm making the best of it...even if I do run out of things to write about.

Getting back to my sexy self

I am notorious for winter weight.  I can’t help.  Okay, I could, I just don’t get too crazy with it.  

Like most people, in the winter, I tend to hibernate more.  I sleep more.  I exercise less.  I eat…the same.

And it takes its toll.  I am curvy by nature.  When I am at an ideal weight, I have a really lovely hourglass figure.  When I’m not, the hourglass is larger.  In the south, they would refer to me as ‘thick.’  (Not truly fat, but not thin, either.)

And now it’s closing in on February.  Spring comes early to the south.  Within two months I will have shed the extra layers of clothing that cover my unsightly extra layers of weight.  We can’t have Lexi looking anything less than sexy when that happens, right?

So, I’m dieting.  And soon I’ll be forced to incorporate exercise.  (Because I need to add one more thing to my already packed day.)  There will be results.  The good thing is that I can usually maintain really well.  (Although that begs the question…if that’s true, why do I need to lose weight?  Nevermind.)

I can’t wait to get thinner.  Let me tell you why.  My man is attracted to me no matter what because of the connection we have.  Oh, but when I’m thinner and hotter, look out!  And so, I think I need to attach some goals and rewards to this new program. 

I think after the first ten pounds, there should be some sextacular experience.  And again after each ten pound increment.  I plan to lose a good thirty pounds.  I think.  Could be more.  Could be less. 

Then…maybe, just maybe…I’ll show real pictures of Sexy Lexi and let you judge for yourself. 

 

He's healed

We had a huge talk on Saturday night.  It was a good talk.  A really important talk.  And it needed to be done.

me: You've been really distant lately.

man: I've been here.

me: This has nothing to do with geography.  And you know this. 

man: *sigh*

me: I've been talking to a blog friend.  (Thank you, KC!) And I understand that you're stressed about money.

man: All I can think about right now is providing for us.

me: And I get that, but don't push me away.  Don't keep that between us.  When things are really bad, really stressful in my life, I know I can get through it if we're good.  As long as you're close, I can survive anything.

He melted a lot then.  He snuggled me close.  And soon, he was really back to normal, really all mine all over again.

man: So, you want to bring the computer into the bedroom...

Oh, yeah.  We went at it.  And I can attest, after incredibly close inspection, that he is functioning at full capacity once more.  So, you know I'm happy.  And you know my stress level is more manageable.  And you may have even guessed that we're into planning a special weekend once more.

man: Thank you for getting my sex drive back.

Oh, no, baby.  The pleasure is all mine.  Thank you.

Living his fantasy

That's what every man wants.  He wants to be with a woman who lets him live his fantasies.  He wants a woman who fulfills his fantasies.

Somehow, I have managed to morph into that woman for him.  And really, it isn't that I have changed.  I've always wanted to please him, make him happy.  I've always told him that I thought we could have this amazing sex life, but he didn't believe me.

Now, he knows it's true.  Now, we are living his dreams.  And they are so simple.

After having sex about eight times on Sunday, the vag was worn the heck out.  (What a way to spend a Sunday.  Ahhhh.)  And so suddenly, while he was still insatiable, I became the blow job queen.  I wanted him happy, satisfied, wearing that look.

Then he grew almost shy.

man: Can I cum on your chest?

me: Sure.

And I couldn't believe he was asking.  To me, not that big a deal.  And it was only later in the night that I realized what a big deal it was to him. 

man: You are letting me live out my fantasies.

me: Which ones?

man: I got to cum on your chest.

me: Huh.  I didn't realize it was that big a deal.  What was it that made it so big? 

And he tried to explain.  It was the entire experience.  It was fear of me rejecting him.  It was fear of how I would react to that particular dump location.  It was wanting it so badly and expecting to be denied. 

How could I deny such a small thing to a man who has brought me so much pleasure, so much joy?  Could you?

The unexpected perfect weekend

It wasn't the weekend we expected.  We were supposed to be having a threesome Friday night.  And she had convinced us to let her stay over so there would be no drinking and driving.  That meant I half expected the threesome to potentially stretch late into the night, possibly early morning.

At least that's how sex was with me and my man.  We could go on and on for hours, when things were good between us.  Oh, and at the moment, things were AMAZING.

So, when the threesome was canceled because she found a potential lesbian, I kinda wondered what to expect.  I shouldn't have been worried.  He hadn't worked on Friday.  He was happy to see me when I came home.

We took some more pictures.  We worked on our Rudester profile.  We checked out Craigslist.

Only those weren't even close to being the highlights of our weekend.  Instead, we spent the weekend having sex ALL OVER THE HOUSE.  And we love that.

We like variety.  Obviously.  And we had it.  We tried every position known to man.  We kissed and caressed.  We toyed and fondled.  We went at it like rabbits.  I lost count.  Who am I kidding?  I stopped counting a few weeks ago.

In between, we napped.  We ate.  We snuggled.  We watched television.

I can't imagine a more perfect weekend.  It was so relaxed.  I felt so connected.  It was the best.

We asked, she answered

It was more than we could hope for.  I'm not sure I expected a response.  Maybe I was hoping that there would never be a response.  Maybe I was secretly hoping that agreeing and pursuing would be enough, that he would suddenly see me differently and we'd be magically healed.

Then I opened the email.  It came a mere four hours after I placed the ad.  I'm thinking that was a fast response.  And it was a good one.

The woman basically explained that she was interested in finding a couple she could have some fun with.  She talked about what she was looking for and how it matched with our ad.  She didn't want a relationship either.

So, I contacted my man.  And here's what's interesting.  Most of the time, we never talk during the day.  We don't flirt.  We don't call without reason.  We aren't playful.  It is all business.  This is a learned behavior that has developed from the beginning of our relationship.  He always made it clear that he couldn't just talk on the phone during the day because he was busy.  There had to be a point, a purpose to his calls.  And on days that he wasn't working, he liked the down time, the quiet, the away from me to be by himself.  So, we rarely talked.

I hated it.  I didn't feel close to him so much of the time because of it.  It made me feel like I was grasping to be with him every moment and like he was pulling away.  I need intimacy in all its many forms.

Things changed so quickly between us.  Good things.  Suddenly, as I was emailing this chick, trying to get to know her, see if we could agree to some terms, see if we were actually going to meet up, we grew closer.

Suddenly, this man who rarely texted me, wasn't really playful, was a bit standoffish at times became intimate.  He would text me if he hadn't heard from me in a few hours.  I sent him a sexy text here and there, letting him know that I was horny or excited or I simply wanted him.  And as we worked out the details, we were building an even tighter bond.

Suddenly, this man who went a month without having sex with me was having sex with me two and three times a day.  And good sex.  Really good sex.  Amazing sex.  Nothing had happened yet everything was better.

Let me tell you all about it.