Welcome to Rudester

We had some fifty pictures to choose from as we made our first profile.  We picked Rudester.  It's the Facebook for people looking for sex.  And the profiles were free.

Free is. good. There are enough other places for our money to be spent.  We have adult movies to buy and sex toys and games to purchase.  We don't need to waste money finding someone to have a threesome with.

So we created a profile.  We put pictures of both of us on there.  We made two albums, one public and one private.  (One to wet your appetite, one to keep you coming back for more.)

And then we did an advanced search.  We were looking for a woman who was interested in a threesome, some nice bi-sexual female.  How hard could it be?

Well, so far, we have had single men from all over the world wanting to friend us.  Are they not reading what we are looking for, or are they simply distracted by the lovely profile picture of my boobs?  I'm guessing it is the latter.

Those friend requests we have ignored.  There have been others.  We have friended some nice COUPLES from all over the world.  And we're hoping that one of the messages we have sent will pay off.

To quote my man: You wouldn't think it would be so difficult to find some horny bitch.

Luckily, we have some toys and games to play with while we wait.  What a lovely way to pass the time.

A little give and take

We had a plan.  It was a good one.  We wanted to meet in a hotel room for our first threesome.  My man was even being super sweet about it.

man: It's your first time.  I want it to be special.  Let's look for a really nice room.  It'll be worth it to pay a little more.

If you only knew how frugal he was, you could truly appreciate how hard he was trying to make this a positive experience and reward me for my generosity.  He commented on that, too.

man: You are giving a lot to this relationship.  Don't think I don't see that.

It was nice that he did see that.

So, I sent our third the message about our plan. 

And she balked. 

She felt like we were trying to turn her into an escort by saying we wanted to meet in a hotel.  I thought it was reasonable that we not really want to invite a stranger into our home.  I knew that he had a way of attracting crazy chicks who would randomly pop up and now and again, simply walking into our house.  Pretty nervy, huh?

We talked.  I told him how I felt.  We both wanted this to happen, but how much were we willing to give.  This was supposed to be a situation where we would hook up and head home.  I planned on being the designated driver to ensure that.  Suddenly, this was getting infinitely more complicated.

man: What did you expect?  This isn't a simple thing.

Why not?  We had already agreed to the stuff that should have been the challenge.  We had already figured out the sex itself.  We had already found someone that shared  mutual attraction.  How could the location become such a sticking point?

Only it was.  And then it grew worse.  She wanted to stay over rather than drink and drive.  Seriously.

me: How many of our rules do we break?  Next, she'll want you to be in her.  I swear.  I'm about ready to walk.

He was frustrated.  Who could blame him? 

Then we calmed down.  There's a reason that I do all the contact work.  Okay, there's lots of reasons.  The main one, however, is that words are my friends.  Thus I used all my best diplomatic tact to press on and resolve our issues.

We would meet at our house.  She could sleep on the couch.  The dirty would take place in the great room or study.  And all was right with the world once more.

So, how do we find a third?

This became a huge discussion.  Okay, he finally had me tacked down.  I finally had agreed to give it a shot.  I was willing to spice up our relationship by inviting a girl to come play.

Now, where would we find such a willing participant?

This would prove to be the greatest challenge.  We had rules to follow, remember?  We weren't trying to build a relationship so that meant that anyone he had a relationship with before was simply not an option.


There were nights we laid there in bed, fondling one another, racking our brains for a willing participant who wouldn't wreck our bond.  No, not her, they had dated.  I didn't care that she was bi and had commented that she thought I was hot before.  Um, not sure about her, despite the fact that she had merely been his fuck buddy, was a really fun toy, and would do anything he asked.  I figured that one would definitely want to break the rule about having him in her vag.  Sorry, he's all mine.

And so with little knowledge to go on, we turned to the one place I knew we might have some luck.  (It's not like there's a manual to this alternative lifestyle, you know?)  We visited Craigslist.  Hell, we did more than visit.  We placed an ad.  I was rather proud of it:

I've never been with a woman, but would like to try. He's had numerous threesomes and thinks it would spice up the relationship. We're looking for someone who is bi, experience a plus, for periodic encounters. We're not trying to make friends, or start a relationship. We just want someone to play with once in a while. Discretion a must.

Respond if you're interested.

Pretty straight-forward, right?  And we posted it under casual encounters, mw4w.  I sent it out into the universe wondering if anyone would even respond.

And lo and behold, a girl did.

Our ground rules

Every game has rules.  Every player knows not to break them.  This is what we came up with to keep it right between us.  It's all about respecting our relationship and each other.

1. Our bed is sacred.  At no point in time did I want to be in our bed picturing him there with someone else.  I wanted our bed to be just for us.  We could go out, have our fun, and come home and snuggle together in our space.
2. Our home is off limits to strangers.  I didn't know exactly how we were going to find our future partners, but I did know that I wasn't keen on having any of them know where we live.  We have neighbors.  Nosy neighbors.  Often intrusive neighbors.  And I didn't want our business to be all over the neighborhood.  Sure, they wouldn't necessarily know what was going on behind closed doors, but there could be speculation.
3. He is not to be in any vag but mine.  For me, sex is special.  At the same time, I recognize that it is only as special as the person/people you are sharing it with.  And since I was sharing it with my man, I wanted it to be special despite the fact that we weren't alone. 
4. We only do this together.  Alone is cheating.  I would not be meeting people outside of our arrangement, and neither would he.  This was something that we were using to spice up our sex life, not instead of having a sex life together.
5. We don't swing.  Since there was no other vag for him, there would be no other penis for me.  It seemed more than fair.  It wasn't that I was dying to have another penis.  I was very happy with his.  I wasn't looking to replace it or trade it in or even rent another one temporarily.
6. We weren't looking for a relationship.  Our plan was to simply find someone to have some fun with and then be on our way.  We didn't need a new friend.  We have friends.  We didn't want a lot of excess contact.  We weren't trying to build a bond with anyone else.  This was just about us, spicing up our sex life, and then getting back to us.

Thinking threesome

Naturally, he thought the way to solve all of our problems was to invite another woman into our bed.  I thought that would create a whole new set of problems, since I didn't want to share my bed or my man.  So, I tried to figure out how this could possibly work.

And we found ourselves once again exploring the question of how two people who loved each other simply couldn't make it work.  There had to be a way around that.  There had to be a place to meet in the middle, a place where we could find happiness together without hurting one another.

The secret is always in balance, finding a way to stay true to yourself while bending some to the other person's needs.  This was what I knew: he was used to variety, lots of different women all the damn time before me.  He wanted to be faithful.  He didn't want to hide his interest in porn.  He wanted me forever, but he wanted some spice, too.

It became a question of what I could live with and what I couldn't live without.  I didn't want to be without him.  We would have to find a middle ground.  And that meant being open and honest and addressing some tough questions.

me: If we had a threesome, what would you want to do?

man: Everything.

And that's where we hit our first snafoo.  Remember: I don't like sharing.  It would be hard enough to watch him touching another woman in front of me.  It would be hard enough to have him be fondled and all that by another woman.

In the end, we came to a few agreements.  We set up our own ground rules.  We decided to explore this alternate lifestyle that could save our relationship.  Only there was so much more to it than that.

me: I don't want this new part of our lives to just be about another woman.  I want toys and games and fun and things that are just for us, too.

That's how I managed to entice a man who was once so against toys to suddenly see the fun and value in them.  It was all about baby steps.  I was meeting in the middle about threesomes, he was willing to explore the fun stuff I wanted to, as well.

It's all about negotiation knowing the boundaries, and trusting your partner to stick to the agreements.

The talk

He had said it out loud.  He wanted a threesome.  Sure, it was every man's dream, but I wasn't sure I was up to making it a reality.


Don't get me wrong.  I'm not super straight-laced.  I graduated from college.  I had my fair share of one night stands.  I had at least one foursome/couple swap.  And I even had a threesome with two guys once.  I was a dream for most men.

The song is right.  All men want a lady in the streets and a freak in the sheets.  They want someone who makes them feel like a man.  They want someone they can maintain an attraction to.

Since I was teen, I had been cultivating that perfect image.  I knew how to be just the right amount of sexy.  It wasn't easy.  I had to stretch myself sometimes.  There was the one tattoo, an impulse buy, that was a little surprise when I undressed.  And, for the undressing, I had taken strip tease classes.  They were fun and made me feel sexy.  And I loved the way he looked at me with his steamy gaze when I sat him in a chair in the bedroom, turned down the lights, turned on the music, and rocked his world.

So what was it about the threesome?  I'm jealous.  I'm possessive.  I'm no different than any man.  I don't want to share what's mine.  I don't want him in some other woman period, let alone in front of me.  Reassurances that I would find it to be really erotic didn't help.  Being told that I was given the green light to be with women didn't help.  I was bi-curious at best, and then only because I knew it would turn him on.

Would I consider it?  Let's see.  After our discussion I felt there were only so many options.  If I refused, there was a good chance our relationship would crumble.  I know that sounds harsh, but we had lost our spark because he felt trapped and caged.  He was used to variety and one woman forever was not variety.  He had sworn to never cheat on me, but would I ever be able to trust that if I knew that we weren't having sex.

Something had to change.  And it had to be both of us.  We had to change everything about our sex life.  Love is only part of a healthy relationship.  Sex is even bigger.  Sex is what makes us feel connected to each other.  Being held and snuggling can only take you so far.  Without sharing our bodies with each other, we were both drifting apart.

And so I told him that we needed to set some ground rules.  We needed to explore our options.  And that wasn't the only change we needed to make for our relationship to endure, for it to thrive.  There was so much more.

It was obvious after I walked in on him masturbating to online porn one morning.

Communication is key

When I felt things going south between, I wanted to run.  That's me.  That's what I do.  I avoid getting hurt by running.  It's the ultimate self-defense mechanism. 

He knew.  As much as he, too, was withdrawing, he felt my distance.  And he would call me out.

man: I don't want you to leave.  Stay.  Let's work through this.

Only I didn't know what the answer was.  I didn't know how to bridge the distance between us.  I didn't know how to reach him.  And so we turned to the one thing that had never failed us: our talks.

I had read tons of novels on relationships.  I thought I knew what to say.  Words rarely failed me.

me: What do you need from me to make this relationship work?  I don't want to leave you.

His response was one I never would have predicted.

man: I'm bored. 

He didn't have to explain bored to me.  We were in a rut in every aspect of our lives.  We were in jobs we hated.  We never had money to do anything or go anywhere.  We were struggling.  And that didn't make for a very strong sex drive.

me: I understand.  What would you like to do about it?

I saw this as my in to introduce toys to the relationship.  I saw this as a way for us to try new things.  And apparently so did he.

man: I think we should bring another girl in.  I want threesomes.

I could have gone my whole life without hearing that.  But when the words are spoken, they can't be undone.  And so they hung there in the air between us.  It felt like a knife through my heart. 

Still.  We had to talk about it.  He had the courage to share what he wanted, what he needed.  We had to address the giant neon pink elephant in the room.