I'll take that bet

It all started on the drive home from running some errands.

man: I don't know why anyone would drive a four door Accord.  They look so much better as a two door.

And then somehow he mentioned that one of our neighbors had one.  And I disagreed.

me: No, she has a Nissan Altima.

He laughed at me.  And then he asked that age old question.

man: Wanna bet?

I never back down.  I just make sure that the bets are all win-win!

me: What are we betting?

man: $100.

me: Please.  We're not betting money.

And so the bet was revised.  If he won, he'd get a blow job.  If I won, he's go down on me.  See?  Win-win!

man: I hope the car is in the driveway when we get home.

Sure enough.  And my man will be getting a blow job.  And I don't mind.

Things have been a little tense over the last two days.  We haven't been having sex because of it.  I let him know that I was missing it.  I really am.  And I haven't even turned to masturbating because I really just want him.  He's worth the wait.  Always has been.  Always will be.

So, I've resorted to masturbating

Yes, that's what you do when you are in desperate need while part of a loving committed relationship.

Now, mind you, I don't think I should ever BE in desperate when I'm in a loving committed relationship.  I, personally, believe that as long as you are physically able, you should be able to fulfill each others needs, thereby making solo masturbation a thing of the past.

See, it's not that I think there is anything wrong with masturbating.  I love it when I can convince him to masturbate in front of me...to start...or sometimes to finish.  I love watching him get all aroused.  I join in. I help.  It's a team effort that I find very exciting.

And goodness knows he loves watching me touch myself.  When I have my hand down there stimulating my clit while he is pumping into me, watching, he tells me how hot it is.  Man, I love making that man hot.  Umm hmmm.

So, here were are, during our drought, and I'm suffering.  Alone.  I've written about how the money stresses are impacting us.  And I've written about how he broke his business during our very erotic constantly going at it spell.  (Gawd I miss that!  So very much.) 

Now, I'm forced to do something that I really hate.  Ummm.  Okay, I don't hate it, I just prefer intimacy with him than by myself.  You know?

I guess I figure it's the lesser of the evils.  At least that's what he told me when I caught him masturbating to online porn behind my back.  It was the catalyst started it all.  All of this.  The blog.  The change in our lifestyle.  Everything.

We'll make it through this.  We weather everything.  We stick no matter what.  Oh, it gets good and bumpy sometimes.  I have started packing on more than one occasion.  Still, I stay because, ultimately, I love him and only him.  I want to be with him.  (And mostly only him-ish.)  And we are amazing together.  Most of the time.

So, I've asked him to heal by mid-week.  I've asked him to get in the mood soon.  Here's hoping he understands my needs and can dig deep to fulfill them because I want to fulfill all of his.  Forever.

Online porn

Porn had become an issue for me because of my ex-husband.  I may have mentioned that he was a lying, cheating bastard?  Well, he was.  I would constantly be dealing with his little crushes, the phone numbers, the phone calls, all of it.  He wasn't very good at being sneaky.  And if that wasn't bad enough, since we often worked opposite schedules, he would spend a ridiculous amount of time engaging in online porn.

Don't get me wrong.  I have nothing against porn when used appropriately.  It can be a wonderful warm up, a great teaching tool.  It can start a discussion and open up new doors in a relationship.

And it can be a lovely alternative to cheating.

If, however, you once had a husband who watched it while having sex with you, and ended up pretty much ignoring you while he rammed into you repeatedly, then you might not be so keen on the porn.

And because of my past, my man knew how I felt about it.  He would tell me he wasn't really into it.  He would tell me that he didn't really like it.  Then I would use our computer and discover otherwise.  Men who are distracted by their erections rarely remember to close the windows that popped up.

We had our fights over it.  It was mostly my contention that I wouldn't be so against the porn if he looked at it while I was at work and then when I returned home he was so fired up to be with me that it enhanced our sex life, but that wasn't the case.  He was looking and we still were doing NOTHING.  Our sex life was at an all time low.  And the tensions were running high.

I left for work one morning after realizing that I hadn't had sex in nearly a month, very unhappy.  We were so distant.  I was so sad.  And that may be why I forgot to pack a breakfast.  Well, there was no way I was going to miss a meal.

When I burst into the house about five minutes after I left, all hell broke loose.  He was in the study.  A chair went flying as he struggled to stand and tuck his erection away.  I walked in and saw the live video porn streaming.

He was angry, but mostly embarrassed that he had been caught.  He told me he thought it was better to do that than to cheat on me.  And he told me he was having trouble being attracted to me anymore, but that he loved me, didn't want to lose me, and wanted a chance for our sex life to improve.  (Obviously, this was all before the threesome was ever mentioned.)

I could have been hurt and angry.  I was a little. Mostly, I decided to use it to my advantage.  Here he was with a raging erection that he needed to do something about.

me: Here's what we're going to do.  I'm going to go turn off my vehicle and we're going to go into the bedroom for a quickie.  You're going to hit it from behind.  You need this.  It's been a month since we've had sex.  I need this.  Let's go.

So that's what we did.  It was good for me just having him in me again.  It was good for him getting his release.  And it opened up a discussion for us.  It meant one less wall between us.  We had to address the porn.

The talk

He had said it out loud.  He wanted a threesome.  Sure, it was every man's dream, but I wasn't sure I was up to making it a reality.


Don't get me wrong.  I'm not super straight-laced.  I graduated from college.  I had my fair share of one night stands.  I had at least one foursome/couple swap.  And I even had a threesome with two guys once.  I was a dream for most men.

The song is right.  All men want a lady in the streets and a freak in the sheets.  They want someone who makes them feel like a man.  They want someone they can maintain an attraction to.

Since I was teen, I had been cultivating that perfect image.  I knew how to be just the right amount of sexy.  It wasn't easy.  I had to stretch myself sometimes.  There was the one tattoo, an impulse buy, that was a little surprise when I undressed.  And, for the undressing, I had taken strip tease classes.  They were fun and made me feel sexy.  And I loved the way he looked at me with his steamy gaze when I sat him in a chair in the bedroom, turned down the lights, turned on the music, and rocked his world.

So what was it about the threesome?  I'm jealous.  I'm possessive.  I'm no different than any man.  I don't want to share what's mine.  I don't want him in some other woman period, let alone in front of me.  Reassurances that I would find it to be really erotic didn't help.  Being told that I was given the green light to be with women didn't help.  I was bi-curious at best, and then only because I knew it would turn him on.

Would I consider it?  Let's see.  After our discussion I felt there were only so many options.  If I refused, there was a good chance our relationship would crumble.  I know that sounds harsh, but we had lost our spark because he felt trapped and caged.  He was used to variety and one woman forever was not variety.  He had sworn to never cheat on me, but would I ever be able to trust that if I knew that we weren't having sex.

Something had to change.  And it had to be both of us.  We had to change everything about our sex life.  Love is only part of a healthy relationship.  Sex is even bigger.  Sex is what makes us feel connected to each other.  Being held and snuggling can only take you so far.  Without sharing our bodies with each other, we were both drifting apart.

And so I told him that we needed to set some ground rules.  We needed to explore our options.  And that wasn't the only change we needed to make for our relationship to endure, for it to thrive.  There was so much more.

It was obvious after I walked in on him masturbating to online porn one morning.