Sunday, November 21, 2010

He's broken: A cautionary tale

Men, if you ignore every other piece of advice I ever give, please heed this simple warning.  Use lube.  I know, you think it's your penis and you know best.  You figure you've been with it a lot longer than we have.  You have this idea that  you know your body.  Right.

Then we leave you unattended all day.  You wake with a raging hard on.  Peeing doesn't help.  Maybe you just need to pop in a porn and handle your business.  (At least this is how it was explained to me.)

Only, after watching the entire freaking video and relieving yourself God knows how many times, now your penis, that we love and long to play with, is broken.  Yup.  You felt too weird using the masturbator without us.  It seemed wrong.  Hmmm, but hours of porn didn't.

Now, I can't touch you.  Oh, you want me to.  You tempted me and toyed with me until I was wet and longing.  You insisted I climb on.  (As if you could have stopped me.)  And after a few minutes, just when I could really feel the need building, you begged me to get off.

I didn't understand the get off part, at first.  I thought you were rushing me to orgasm because you wanted to hit it from the back so badly.  Silly, Lexi.  You genuinely wanted me off your dick.  You big dumb idiot!

Sure, I can masturbate.  I can use my tried and true dildo or my vibrator or my new crystal dildo.  But handsome, you are still my cock of choice.  Take care of it.  Baby it.  Treat it right.  I want it...yesterday.

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