Tuesday, November 30, 2010
I wasn't certain it was something I was capable of. Then I discovered that I liked having a man to meet here and there. I liked knowing that I could go, spend an hour or so, wear myself out, and go back to my normal life. No harm. No foul.
It was really...liberating.
I liked the freedoms it allowed. Instead of needing to find men to satisfy my needs, instead of working for constant fresh fucks, I had someone that understood our mutually beneficial relationship.
It was ideal. And then he messed it up.
Simple. He fell for me. He wanted a relationship. He wasn't anyone I wanted a relationship with. Really. And this may sound cold. It's simply that I was happy with us where we were. We didn't need to confuse things by trying to factor in romance. I didn't want to date him. That wasn't part of the plan.
And I think that my be one thing I fear with this new lifestyle we are exploring. We are looking at potentially starting mini relationships with other people, mostly women, since he fears including men. Still, I worry that suddenly there will be a situation where feelings are involved. I worry that someone will suddenly develop feelings that shouldn't exist for one of us.
I suppose part of me assumes that it will be me. I am the easier one to be with. I am the easier one to get along with. I am a much better communicator.
Should that deter us? Should I simply screen people better? And I wish I knew how to instigate this screening process because my misterer isn't the first one to fall for me that shouldn't have...