Tuesday, November 30, 2010

My misterer

If men can have mistresses, well, then I had a misterer.  Once.  For about a year.

I wasn't certain it was something I was capable of.  Then I discovered that I liked having a man to meet here and there.  I liked knowing that I could go, spend an hour or so, wear myself out, and go back to my normal life.  No harm.  No foul.

It was really...liberating. 

I liked the freedoms it allowed.  Instead of needing to find men to satisfy my needs, instead of working for constant fresh fucks, I had someone that understood our mutually beneficial relationship.

It was ideal.  And then he messed it up. 


Simple.  He fell for me.  He wanted a relationship.  He wasn't anyone I wanted a relationship with.  Really.  And this may sound cold.  It's simply that I was happy with us where we were.  We didn't need to confuse things by trying to factor in romance.  I didn't want to date him.  That wasn't part of the plan.

And I think that my be one thing I fear with this new lifestyle we are exploring.  We are looking at potentially starting mini relationships with other people, mostly women, since he fears including men.  Still, I worry that suddenly there will be a situation where feelings are involved.  I worry that someone will suddenly develop feelings that shouldn't exist for one of us.

I suppose part of me assumes that it will be me.  I am the easier one to be with.  I am the easier one to get along with.  I am a much better communicator.

Should that deter us?  Should I simply screen people better?  And I wish I knew how to instigate this screening process because my misterer isn't the first one to fall for me that shouldn't have...


  1. Hi Lexi,
    Hope you had a nice Thanksgiving.
    When I first met my GF, I was involved with 2 other girls at the time. Both of them knew about the other and they didn't have a problem with sharing time with me. It wasn't a 3some. It was just that at the very beginning of getting together with them, I made it VERY clear that I wasn't looking for a relationship. We didn't date but we would go out to coffee or drinks on occasion. I wasn't their boyfriend and they weren't my girlfriends. One would come over on Monday's and Wednesdays and the other would come on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Not every week, some days they had things going on and other days, I did. They would come over late at night after doing their things and come through my back gate and through my sliding glass door and crawl into bed with me. We'd fuck, rest, Fuck, Rest and then they would leave. It was great.
    When I met my GF, all of that stopped. She didn't want to "play" with girls that I already knew. I tried to set something up with one of them and her and that flopped like a Bad belly Flop! The other girl was into it but not the GF. As it turned out. The other girl had feelings for me I hadn't noticed before. I think she knew that I was having feelings for the GF and she didn't like that. It was touch and go for a couple of weeks. Thats when I figured out that if we were going to have group sex, I was going to have to let the GF make the choices...
    It was a rocky start but I have to tell you, two years later, it's going pretty well. We're having fun and enjoying others.
    You need to make sure that your man doesn't have those insecure feelings. He's already expressed his dislike about having another man with you, tell him, "What's good for the goose, is good for the gander" if you start getting comfortable with another woman, he may feel the same way. I think that it's a self confidence thing that he needs to address. He needs to know that what you two are wanting to do isn't "LOVE" it's sex~! Tell him I said that it's REALLY HOT seeing your GF sucking another guy while you're fucking her from behind... and make sure that when you do finally include a couple, that you pay special attention to your man during your session! It will make it easier on him and he'll open up more because of it.

    I had all of those thoughts as well at one time or another but if my GF is willing to meet girls for us to play with, She has the right to enjoy a guy or two as well!

    Happy Winter! Stay warm...


  2. I'm Jem, Lexi knows I've just posted something about my misterer over on TBK (http://thebeautifulkind.com/columns/my-first/time-not-committing-adultery).

    Your situation sounds similar to mine. I won't lie: sometimes, post-coital, with him stroking me and me talking, I found myself falling a little for my misterer. But that was the point - it was simple, relaxed. If we were 'a more serious' couple, even if my husband magically disappeared, it wouldn't be as simple.

    I never cooked him a meal or waited up for him, he never saw me when I was upset, or had to drive me to the airport because my mother was ill.

    I didn't love him. That was the weird thing. I'd had one lovestruck teenage relationship, then met my husband. So I had it in my head that I had to really love someone, do the whole thing. When I realized I could just have someone come round and give me orgasms, it was - that word again - liberating.

    It felt more like hitting the gym than anything else. Recreational activity, not emotional.