And we found ourselves once again exploring the question of how two people who loved each other simply couldn't make it work. There had to be a way around that. There had to be a place to meet in the middle, a place where we could find happiness together without hurting one another.
The secret is always in balance, finding a way to stay true to yourself while bending some to the other person's needs. This was what I knew: he was used to variety, lots of different women all the damn time before me. He wanted to be faithful. He didn't want to hide his interest in porn. He wanted me forever, but he wanted some spice, too.
It became a question of what I could live with and what I couldn't live without. I didn't want to be without him. We would have to find a middle ground. And that meant being open and honest and addressing some tough questions.
me: If we had a threesome, what would you want to do?
man: Everything.
And that's where we hit our first snafoo. Remember: I don't like sharing. It would be hard enough to watch him touching another woman in front of me. It would be hard enough to have him be fondled and all that by another woman.
In the end, we came to a few agreements. We set up our own ground rules. We decided to explore this alternate lifestyle that could save our relationship. Only there was so much more to it than that.
me: I don't want this new part of our lives to just be about another woman. I want toys and games and fun and things that are just for us, too.
That's how I managed to entice a man who was once so against toys to suddenly see the fun and value in them. It was all about baby steps. I was meeting in the middle about threesomes, he was willing to explore the fun stuff I wanted to, as well.
It's all about negotiation knowing the boundaries, and trusting your partner to stick to the agreements.
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