Monday, November 1, 2010
Don't get me wrong. I'm not super straight-laced. I graduated from college. I had my fair share of one night stands. I had at least one foursome/couple swap. And I even had a threesome with two guys once. I was a dream for most men.
The song is right. All men want a lady in the streets and a freak in the sheets. They want someone who makes them feel like a man. They want someone they can maintain an attraction to.
Since I was teen, I had been cultivating that perfect image. I knew how to be just the right amount of sexy. It wasn't easy. I had to stretch myself sometimes. There was the one tattoo, an impulse buy, that was a little surprise when I undressed. And, for the undressing, I had taken strip tease classes. They were fun and made me feel sexy. And I loved the way he looked at me with his steamy gaze when I sat him in a chair in the bedroom, turned down the lights, turned on the music, and rocked his world.
So what was it about the threesome? I'm jealous. I'm possessive. I'm no different than any man. I don't want to share what's mine. I don't want him in some other woman period, let alone in front of me. Reassurances that I would find it to be really erotic didn't help. Being told that I was given the green light to be with women didn't help. I was bi-curious at best, and then only because I knew it would turn him on.
Would I consider it? Let's see. After our discussion I felt there were only so many options. If I refused, there was a good chance our relationship would crumble. I know that sounds harsh, but we had lost our spark because he felt trapped and caged. He was used to variety and one woman forever was not variety. He had sworn to never cheat on me, but would I ever be able to trust that if I knew that we weren't having sex.
Something had to change. And it had to be both of us. We had to change everything about our sex life. Love is only part of a healthy relationship. Sex is even bigger. Sex is what makes us feel connected to each other. Being held and snuggling can only take you so far. Without sharing our bodies with each other, we were both drifting apart.
And so I told him that we needed to set some ground rules. We needed to explore our options. And that wasn't the only change we needed to make for our relationship to endure, for it to thrive. There was so much more.
It was obvious after I walked in on him masturbating to online porn one morning.