On the road to recovery: we made it

It's funny that something so small could make me feel so much better.  I was the only girl he had been with on the pool table.  It meant something. 

See, one night he had asked me about the bed, why I wanted a new one so badly.  He rather liked that bed.  Had the conditions been different, I would have, too.  Only, I knew he had been with a string of women on that bed before me and after me.  We had a couple of breaks over the last nearly three years.

me: I want a bed with less mileage.  Only our mileage.

man: It's not that bad.

me: I bet I can name a half dozen women you've screwed in our bed.

man: I bet you can't.

He was right.  I didn't name six, I named eight.  Eight women, even after he dismissed one citing that they hadn't made it to the bed.  They had done it on the floor.  Small consolation.

And so I won.  Only, did I really win anything being right?  I didn't feel better being right.  Right about him being a man whore sucked.  Right about who's bed bugs I'm sleeping with sucked. 

Mostly, I try to forget.  I forget for my sanity and for the sake of our relationship.  I forget because I want us to have the big future we dream of and plan and imagine.

So, I called him out on having sex without me.  My theory was that if he had waited, we could have been together and he could have completed his list.

man: How did you know?

Well, I went through the list of tells, right down to the toy dripping water in our chest.  He was...impressed.  I think.

man: But I wanted to try it out.

me: Okay.  But you tried it out without me the day after it arrived.  And then you tried it out with me that night.  At some point, you are going to have to accept that now you are simply using it.  You are well past trying.

He laughed.  I made a valid point.

Later, he came over to me as I worked on the computer.

man: I have to complete my list.  Let's pull out a porn and try some of the toys that we haven't tried yet.

I smiled.  He had hooked up our new DVD player I surprised him with at Christmas.  I was tired of us toting the BluRay around the house. 

We started to get a little sexy together only he was so very sleepy that he couldn't even get it up.  I didn't want to pressure him, so we simply spooned.  And that's when it happened.

The movie was off.  Regular television was on.  He was playing with my nipples.

man: Do you like this or this better?

He was constantly honing his skills to my preferences.  And I loved that.

I could feel him growing hard against my butt.  I reached in between my legs so that he was nestled against my opening.  Playing with myself, I shared the wetness with him.  Soon, his breathing changed.  He was pressing against me, moving inside me.  His eyes were wide.

man: I didn't think I could tonight.

I smiled.  I have my ways.

Soon he was licking and kissing and suckling.  Soon I was riding him the way we both liked it.  He had trouble concentrating on what he was doing with my boobs.  And then, it happened.

man: You came.  I love feeling you clench around me.

It was a good one.  It was just what I needed to feel better about us.  We are recovering nicely.

Sweet sweet Sunday

Sunday started off tame.  For a minute.

And then it was on.  On the couch.  All over the couch.

He's a gentleman.  He always lets me finish first.  And it was quite the finish, a quivering, shaking, filled with after waves finish.

And we changed our venue.  Off to our beloved lounge chair.  It was lovely.

That wasn't my favorite part.  My favorite part was later that afternoon.  We put the porn back on, right where we left off.  We opened our toy chest.  We're running low on lube.  Good thing we ordered some in our last Adam and Eve order. 

Then it was on.  We played a new game.  We pretty much acted out much of the video, performing with them.  When the woman on the porn was getting eaten out, so was I.  And he was so sexy about it.  He'd ask me what I liked, we're still learning, still exploring as we go.  I don't know a lot about what I like in that department.  All I know is that he's the only man who's been able to make me cum using just his tongue.  He's special.

He was quick to give me instructions.  It was awesome.  I love that.

man: Tighter.  Harder.  Faster.  Um.  Just like that.

It was so hot.  And when we finished, it was time to nap.  He held me like I was precious, with both arms wrapped around me.

We woke to eat dinner.  We quickly returned to the bed and snuggled.  And there was more sex.  Lots more sex.  That's what happens when he tries to convince me that it is a comfort thing to hold his cock while he falls asleep.  And I definitely want him to be comforted.

Never felt like I was settling

Sure, Saturday was supposed to be our first threesome, until our third backed out at the last minute.  Sure, we could have been really disappointed.  It didn't work out that way.

Instead, we had an amazing Saturday all to ourselves.

And it began the moment he woke up.  I had been working on the laptop next to him in bed.  He shoved my robe out of the way and asked me to flip over.  I like when he gets to the point.  He loves it doggie style.  And I love to please him.

Sex before breakfast.  I love working up an appetite.

Then a few hours later, we were going at it on the lounge chair.  I love that lounge chair.  We have so much fun in it.  And he liked mixing it up by having me finish him cowgirl.

Then it was time to run errands and get dinner.  As soon as we returned, he looked at me.

man: What if we go in the bedroom, turn on a porn, have sex, and then go hang out with friends?

Seriously, dinner and dessert?  I was in heaven.  Yes, heaven.

It's so amazing when he can't seem to get his fill of me.  I love all the touching.  I love that we keep changing it up.

man: See, we have amazing hot sex.  We don't need anyone else.  We don't need to rush this.  We're good.

Hell, yeah!  We're more than good.

My fantasies

We've spent a lot of time lately talking about all of his fantasies.  I know that in a perfect world, he has me and another woman.  I know that in his ultimate fantasy we enjoy a wildly erotic threesome and then go home to have more sex just the two of us, while we take in what we just did.

Yeah.  I know a lot about what he wants from me and the other woman.  I know a lot about his dreams and expectations.  I know this because he shares.

Know what, though?

We don't talk about what I want.  He's never really asked.  And I guess I never thought about it before.

What do I want?  What are my fantasies?

And I guess I want something different.  My fantasies aren't sexual at the moment.  My fantasies are purely emotional.  In my fantasy, I'm enough.  He doesn't want anyone but me ever.  He lavishes me with kisses.  He holds me close, tenderly.  He is completely overcome with desire.  And then he makes mad, passionate love to me.

Weird, huh?

I'll tell you why this is my fantasy.  It's pretty simple.

We fuck all the time.  We have serious sex.  We play porns on the laptop and on the DVD player.  We try new toys.  We enjoy lots of positions.  And I like that.  I really do.  No, I mean, I REALLY DO.

It's just that once in a while, I would love for us to do it and for me to feel how much he loves and desires me.  Chances are, it's my fault.  I haven't asked for it.  I have allowed us to go at it like animals when sometimes I just want to be loved.

That's my fantasy.  And if I'm willing to go above and beyond to keep our relationship spicy, I think he should be willing to make my dreams come true, too.

I'll ask.  And I'll let you know.

He's broken: A cautionary tale

Men, if you ignore every other piece of advice I ever give, please heed this simple warning.  Use lube.  I know, you think it's your penis and you know best.  You figure you've been with it a lot longer than we have.  You have this idea that  you know your body.  Right.

Then we leave you unattended all day.  You wake with a raging hard on.  Peeing doesn't help.  Maybe you just need to pop in a porn and handle your business.  (At least this is how it was explained to me.)

Only, after watching the entire freaking video and relieving yourself God knows how many times, now your penis, that we love and long to play with, is broken.  Yup.  You felt too weird using the masturbator without us.  It seemed wrong.  Hmmm, but hours of porn didn't.

Now, I can't touch you.  Oh, you want me to.  You tempted me and toyed with me until I was wet and longing.  You insisted I climb on.  (As if you could have stopped me.)  And after a few minutes, just when I could really feel the need building, you begged me to get off.

I didn't understand the get off part, at first.  I thought you were rushing me to orgasm because you wanted to hit it from the back so badly.  Silly, Lexi.  You genuinely wanted me off your dick.  You big dumb idiot!

Sure, I can masturbate.  I can use my tried and true dildo or my vibrator or my new crystal dildo.  But handsome, you are still my cock of choice.  Take care of it.  Baby it.  Treat it right.  I want it...yesterday.

It took less than three days

Yup.  Three days before we had received our magical package containing our new toys from Adam & Eve, and our new videos.  We have a Blue Ray player in the living room, but given how visible our television is for anyone at the front door, we decided that it might be best to instead watch our naughty movies in the privacy of our bedroom.

Oh, but there's no DVD player there.  What to do.  What to do.

Well, I'll tell you what we did.  Last night, after looked at profiles for about half an hour on the swinger site, I could tell he was getting aroused.  I love when he has to push on his erection to try to get comfortable.

Next thing you know, he tells me that he wants to move the Blue Ray player.

man: I found some cords.  I think they'll work.

And I knew what he meant.  He wanted to watch one of the porns.  He needed to watch one of the porns. 

So we carried the device to the bedroom.  I've never seen him more motivated, more determined.  And his patience was suddenly boundless.

First there was no sound, then no color, then the video was sideways black and white.  At last it was working.  And he picked some amateur porn.  Within seconds, yes, seconds, he was naked and expecting me to join him in bed. 

Within a minute, he was playing with my vag, flitting his fingers inside and out.  And he was shaking with need, which I find to be super hot, which would explain why I was super wet. 

Yeah, we did it.  We had amazing sex to a fantastic video.  We watched maybe twenty minutes of it.  I did the math.  At that rate, with five videos equaling approximately twelve hours total, we have a good thirty-six viewings in us before we run out of new footage.

I'm not worried.  Adam & Eve send me specials all the time.  And their deals are so incredible that we'll probably be buying about once a month.  I told you how well we did last time.  I can't wait.

The genie is out!

Yes, once we decided to pursue this strange new lifestyle, our life improved in every way.  It was little things at first, like phone calls during the day and text messages.  It was us, coming together, sharing a secret.  Ah, the ties that bind.

There were other changes.  I would get home and he'd suddenly take an interest in what I was working on with the laptop on the couch.  He would snuggle in next to me and watch me work.  He would interact and comment. 

We spent some of that time looking at Craigslist ads.  We hadn't settled anything with our potential third, yet.  And so we continued to look.  We discussed what we liked, what I could handle, how he imagined things being during the experience. 

Inevitably, we would end up heading off to the bedroom to have passionate sex before dinner.  And we'd look at more ads, discover more web pages that would help us find willing women.  Next thing you know, we'd be going at it again before bed.

Oh, and once we made it to bed, often with the laptop, we were having more sex.  We would turn on a porn.  I would select one for its educational properties.  What did I know about being with a woman?  My experiences were limited to some fondling I had done with my best friend at a sleepover when we were twelve.  Yes, she was my first orgasm with someone.  I was twelve!

So, we'd watch porn and we'd have some sexy pillow talk and we'd have lots and lots and lots of sex.  It has been amazing.  Do I wonder how long we can maintain this?  Of course.  Do I worry how much more I'll have to up the ante to keep him happy?  Sometimes.  Do I worry that he'll break my trust and cheat?  Never.  Do I worry that he'll go against our rules in the threesome?  Not even a little.

He's happier than ever.

Know what he said just the other day?

man: I'm realizing that you are the woman of my dreams more and more.

I always knew I was.  I knew that no one else could make him happy in the long run, but it's nice that he finally sees it, too.  It's especially nice that we have so much to look forward to.  We've been ironing out the details of the threesome.  It's supposed to happen over the weekend.