My misterer

If men can have mistresses, well, then I had a misterer.  Once.  For about a year.

I wasn't certain it was something I was capable of.  Then I discovered that I liked having a man to meet here and there.  I liked knowing that I could go, spend an hour or so, wear myself out, and go back to my normal life.  No harm.  No foul.

It was really...liberating. 

I liked the freedoms it allowed.  Instead of needing to find men to satisfy my needs, instead of working for constant fresh fucks, I had someone that understood our mutually beneficial relationship.

It was ideal.  And then he messed it up. 

How?

Simple.  He fell for me.  He wanted a relationship.  He wasn't anyone I wanted a relationship with.  Really.  And this may sound cold.  It's simply that I was happy with us where we were.  We didn't need to confuse things by trying to factor in romance.  I didn't want to date him.  That wasn't part of the plan.

And I think that my be one thing I fear with this new lifestyle we are exploring.  We are looking at potentially starting mini relationships with other people, mostly women, since he fears including men.  Still, I worry that suddenly there will be a situation where feelings are involved.  I worry that someone will suddenly develop feelings that shouldn't exist for one of us.

I suppose part of me assumes that it will be me.  I am the easier one to be with.  I am the easier one to get along with.  I am a much better communicator.

Should that deter us?  Should I simply screen people better?  And I wish I knew how to instigate this screening process because my misterer isn't the first one to fall for me that shouldn't have...

By George, I think we've got it!

We had an interesting conversation last night.  He had looked at me, recognized my tired face, and offered up bed.  I readily accepted, but as we headed down the hall he made a comment. 

man: So, movie or computer?

And I smiled.  This meant he was in the mood.  Computer it was.

We went to bed.  And I worked to find us something...interesting.  It was a task complicated by his fondling my boobs and suckling.  Oh, and he was doing it perfectly.

Soon we were playing with each other as we watched a threesome movie.  Yes, our porn of choice.

There was a man sitting naked on the couch with two  naked chicks.  And they were pretty much taking turns sucking on him while he fondled their boobs. 

man: See.  That's what I want. Think we can have that?

me: Mostly.

Next thing you know, I'm reminding him once again of my sexual past. 

me: I've done a threesome with two guys.  And I've done sex same bed no swap.  And I've had group sex in a hot tub, no swap.

man: Wait a minute.  You're a freak!  You should be really into this.

And I reminded him the difference.  Feelings change everything.  He had his fun when he was younger, too.  It's different when you love your partner and don't want to share and don't want to hurt him or her.

That's where we struggle.

Soon, I was giving him a blow job while we talked.  It's hard to talk with your mouth full, but I managed.

man: So, I could...hit it from the back while you ate the chick out?

me: Mmmhmm.

man: So, could she give me a blow job?

me: Mmhm.

man: So, could I titty fuck her while she eats you?

me: Mmmkay.

And the potential scenarios went on and on.  He can be very creative when he's inspired.

man: So, only the vag is off limits?

I had to stop entirely for this, and worked him with my hands while we spoke.

me: Yes.  The vag is sacred.

He was happy.

man: I can work with that.

After I finished, he held me close as we drifted off to sleep.

man: We're forever, right?

me: Yeah.  Forever.

Concerns about The Estate

Long before we ever agreed to look into a swinging kind of lifestyle, long before we ever decided to spice things up, I had heard of The Estate.

I guess I thought it was this elusive Craigslist code I had yet to crack.  There were lots of posts about meeting at The Estate.  What was this estate?  Was it a euphemism?  An actual location?  Some super magical event that I had to be privy to?

And so, I Googled it.  And I was shocked.  The Estate was a place.  It was a super secret location in my city where like-minded adults gathered to participate in like-minded consensual activities.  Clothing around the hot tub was optional.  There were private party rooms.

In fact, I was as intrigued as I was appalled and frightened.  At the same time, as a blogger, I tend to put myself out there for the sake of the story.  Imagine the tales I could tell if I simply experienced it.

We talked about it.  And in my mind, it's just a modern day version of Caligula.  Seen that movie?  It was the dirtiest movie I had ever seen in high school.  And for reasons I still don't understand, it wasn't behind the curtain.  There was tons of sex and nudity and every kind of debauchery imaginable.

I guess that's pretty much how I imagine The Estate.  And I'm not sure I'm ready for that, even as a spectator.  If I wanted an audience, I'd operate a cam business.  At least I'd be making money.  And I wouldn't see everyone watching me. 

Okay, maybe I've considered it--a little. 

But about the estate.  Do we go?

Swingers club site email

We check our email religiously, together.  And what we discovered the other day floored us.

By now we had grown used to getting tons of friend requests from Rudester.  (Apparently I have great tits.  At least that's what all the requests say.)  And we get a lot of couples from Adult Friend Finder asking for some crazy swapping.  Of course, since my man has bad dreams about me giving anyone else head, I am thinking that even a soft swap is in our distant future.

So, imagine our surprise when we received an email from the swinger site we set up a profile on.  The couple was one that we had looked at.  We had both decided that we wouldn't feel intimidated by doing anything with them.  She was attractive, but not hot in the traditional sense.  And he was a middle aged fit man.  Seemed like a reasonable match.

They pretty much offered up the training wheels we'd need to get going.  And I thought all would be well, until I realized that they are very active in the swingers club.  We read about the club online.  We see the discussions of the club--again, online.  Oh, but the thought of going has us quaking in our boots. 

Somehow that feels like diving in.  Somehow that feels like a bigger step than we are prepared for. 

But they invited us.  And they want to meet us.  And I want to DO SOMETHING.  I'm a woman of action.  And weeks of talk and no action is killing me. 

Come back tomorrow as I explain our fear of The Estate.

When you're not feeling sexy

I have to tell you, there are times that I simply don't feel that sexy.  Times when I don't feel like being sexy.  But still, at no time do I ever say no to getting sexy with my man.

Don't get me wrong.  Over the years he has turned me down plenty.  And that will be his chief excuse.

man: I don't feel sexy right now.

Really?  You have a raging boner and you don't feel sexy.  Okay.  It's morning wood.  I can see where it might simply be the old pee hard on.

And so I let him alone.  I'm nice like that.  And I have learned that forcing the issue doesn't really help anything.  So no forcing the issue--ever.

I think I'm still recovering from our weekend of unbridled passion.  My vag is finally not one aching unit.  And all indications are that he might very well be on his own road to recovery.  At least I hope he recovers soon.

These periods where I'm simply not feeling it are always brief.  I love him.  I lust him.  I long for him.  And while I love that he holds me every night and always has to be touching me, even if it's while we are on the couch watching television, it will never replace the intimacy that we get from sex.

I love that intimacy.  Still, we have to discuss and explore what intimacy we're comfortable sharing with others.  We plan to move forward and try something new over the weekend.  With that in mind, we need to get moving, get searching, and nail down where we stand on everything.

Where do  you draw the line?  What are we comfortable with?

He's still haunted by his dream.  So, I know he's not comfortable involving another man.  He's subtle like that, see.  At the same time, I think we need to explore our dealings with other women.  I'm not ready to see him in another woman.  Call me crazy.  I'm going to have to work up to that.

And so we've been talking about things.  We've been discussing my concerns.  More than anything, I don't want things to change between us.  I still want us to have our special alone time.  I don't want everything to from now on always have to involve someone else.  These are things I think about.

Maybe I'm a little normal.  I can't just jump both feet without considering the consequences and every angle.  I love him.  All of this matters.

Still, I'm intrigued and eager to move forward.  Guess I'm feeling a little sexy. 

Bad dreams and happy endings

I was awakened at the early early early hour of 6am on a Sunday morning.  And when it comes to be awakened by my man, I never mind.  This time he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close before he spoke.

man: Bad dream.

And I could tell that it was, just from his grip on me.  He practically clung to me.  So, I knew the dream had something to do with me.  Any dream that prompts that reaction usually involves him losing me in one way, shape, or form.

This dream was no different.  He later revealed it's contents.  Apparently we had finally set up a time to meet with another couple for our first big event.  It was Jenny McCarthy and some old, rude, bald guy.  Interesting.

While I wondered how this could be bad for him, since he was getting Jenny McCarthy out of the deal, he soon explained.  There were no details about sex with Jenny.  Instead he was bothered that I had given this guy a blow job.  (Like I would ever let another man near my vag.)  And then the guy had tried to take over my man's side of the bed.

Needless to say, he had a violent reaction in his dream.  I'm not surprised.  And his bad dream made me happy.  All I heard was more reassurance that he didn't want to lose me.  I have no equal.  Not even Jenny McCarthy.

So, I soothed him in my own special way.  I had been stroking him while we spoke.  And then I simply went down on him.  I liked and sucked and stroked until he came in my mouth.

It worked.  He wrapped himself around me, more relaxed and at ease.  He snuggled in.  And we fell back to sleep.

He's broken: A cautionary tale

Men, if you ignore every other piece of advice I ever give, please heed this simple warning.  Use lube.  I know, you think it's your penis and you know best.  You figure you've been with it a lot longer than we have.  You have this idea that  you know your body.  Right.

Then we leave you unattended all day.  You wake with a raging hard on.  Peeing doesn't help.  Maybe you just need to pop in a porn and handle your business.  (At least this is how it was explained to me.)

Only, after watching the entire freaking video and relieving yourself God knows how many times, now your penis, that we love and long to play with, is broken.  Yup.  You felt too weird using the masturbator without us.  It seemed wrong.  Hmmm, but hours of porn didn't.

Now, I can't touch you.  Oh, you want me to.  You tempted me and toyed with me until I was wet and longing.  You insisted I climb on.  (As if you could have stopped me.)  And after a few minutes, just when I could really feel the need building, you begged me to get off.

I didn't understand the get off part, at first.  I thought you were rushing me to orgasm because you wanted to hit it from the back so badly.  Silly, Lexi.  You genuinely wanted me off your dick.  You big dumb idiot!

Sure, I can masturbate.  I can use my tried and true dildo or my vibrator or my new crystal dildo.  But handsome, you are still my cock of choice.  Take care of it.  Baby it.  Treat it right.  I want it...yesterday.

Why’s it always so hot between us?

That was the question he posed the other night after we finished with yet another amazing sexperience.  Yes, sexperience.  My definition: a sexual experience.  There.  I made a new word.

We had simply been lying on the couch in the living room when he suddenly looked at me and decided that we should go in the bedroom and pleasure each other.  And I completely understood why.  I credit The Time Traveler’s Wife.  I know it sounds strange.  For a man who knows only one way to truly show his love, a man who finds holding and snuggling to be too insignificant a demonstration of his true feelings, sex becomes the perfect expression.

A sexpression, if you will.

(See, I just did it again.  Sexpression: the use of sex to express your emotions.)

So, in order to truly demonstrate his feeling he shared a sexpression that was an incredible sexperience.  And it was amazing.  It was hot.  It was just how we wanted to end our weekend, on a high, thoroughly sated.  He tells me he loves me and he shows me he loves me.

It’s in his touch, the way his hands cup my breasts and the way his thumbs stroke my nipples.  It’s in the way his tongue flicks my clit.  It’s in the way he moves his lips over my neck, the way his teeth nibble my ear lobe.  It’s in his every caress. 

And when we’re through and sleep begins to claim us, the expression of his love is in the way he wraps an arm around me and melds my body to his.  Sometimes we get too hot, but he never releases me, never lets me go. 

Love.  That’s what makes it so hot.

Like a porn star

A friend of mine recently read the Jenna Jameson memoir.  She liked it.  Nay, she LOVED it.  As with most novels, some parts were easier reads than others.  And she called it a true learning experience.

This friend, I admire greatly.  She was a bit of a late bloomer, more of a student of sex than a true participant.  She was well-read and eager to practice.  That's where college came in.  And I was thrilled for her.  It worked out rather well for me, too.

After all, she taught me all her secrets of giving good head.  She taught me the technique of the endless blow job.  She is one of the reasons that my man ADORES me today.  Yes, I owe this friend A LOT.

Well, when she told me about the novel, I was tempted to pick it up.  I still may.  It's simply that a few thoughts have occurred to me, recently, as we work through this new sexual awakening we are experiencing.  We have been watching quite a bit of porn.

And though I have been a late bloomer in that department.  I have now experienced lots of DVDs and lots of online porn.  I feel that gives me adequate experience to say that I don't want to fuck like a porn star.  I really don't.  My sex with my man is soooo much better than these movies.

Why, just last night, we watched a movie where the chick was deep throating and looked and sounded like she was choking.  While her face wore a fake smile, her eyes bespoke her true feelings.  She was not enjoying her work at the moment.

In fact, the more I study, the more convinced I am that most of the chicks in these porns are not truly enjoying their work.  They seem to be faking it.  They are plenty vocal, but I'm not convinced.  And I love the sex I'm having.

We are mostly spontaneous.  We go at it with pure abandon.  We are passionate.  We are playful.  We know all of each other's special spots, favorite things.  Oh, but we keep finding new joys, new likes.

Why just last night, he discovered why women love vibrators.  We planned our next purchase.  There is a vibrating cock ring in our future.  And we can't wait.

Not something I pay for

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It took less than three days

Yup.  Three days before we had received our magical package containing our new toys from Adam & Eve, and our new videos.  We have a Blue Ray player in the living room, but given how visible our television is for anyone at the front door, we decided that it might be best to instead watch our naughty movies in the privacy of our bedroom.

Oh, but there's no DVD player there.  What to do.  What to do.

Well, I'll tell you what we did.  Last night, after looked at profiles for about half an hour on the swinger site, I could tell he was getting aroused.  I love when he has to push on his erection to try to get comfortable.

Next thing you know, he tells me that he wants to move the Blue Ray player.

man: I found some cords.  I think they'll work.

And I knew what he meant.  He wanted to watch one of the porns.  He needed to watch one of the porns. 

So we carried the device to the bedroom.  I've never seen him more motivated, more determined.  And his patience was suddenly boundless.

First there was no sound, then no color, then the video was sideways black and white.  At last it was working.  And he picked some amateur porn.  Within seconds, yes, seconds, he was naked and expecting me to join him in bed. 

Within a minute, he was playing with my vag, flitting his fingers inside and out.  And he was shaking with need, which I find to be super hot, which would explain why I was super wet. 

Yeah, we did it.  We had amazing sex to a fantastic video.  We watched maybe twenty minutes of it.  I did the math.  At that rate, with five videos equaling approximately twelve hours total, we have a good thirty-six viewings in us before we run out of new footage.

I'm not worried.  Adam & Eve send me specials all the time.  And their deals are so incredible that we'll probably be buying about once a month.  I told you how well we did last time.  I can't wait.

Our package arrived!

After we had spent the weekend at home, locked in, going at it like rabbits, we were mourning our limited toy collection.  On top of that, we were desperate for our new toys to arrive.  New toys!  New movies!  Yay!

Imagine my surprise when I arrived home and found THE BOX in front of the house.  Oh, yes.  And he was napping, almost as though he was resting up for my arrival.  He had to.  All I did was wear him out the next hour.

He was like a kid at Christmas.

man: Okay.  Where is it?  Let me see it.

For someone who had never really wanted a sex toy before, he was very enthusiastic.  Incredibly enthusiastic.  And he made that newbie mistake.  He tried to ram the Pink Pussy Lips Masturbator onto his already throbbing penis without lube.  Yup.

me: Wait.  Let me grab the lube.

For some reason he has a real hang up about lube.  He takes it as a personal affront if I ever ask for any.  He makes me crazy wet, but I'm only human.  And when we go at it for hours and days at a time, I start to dry up.  Hell, these days, I'm practically dehydrated.  So, we're going through some lube.

Here's an insider stock tip for you: invest in KY because we sure are going to be buying it up like crazy.  Oh, and the warming is my favorite.

I pulled out the lube and wet the lip entrance.  He slid it easily onto his cock and started to use it.  I love watching him masturbate.  It shows an incredible amount of trust and it makes me really horny.  Ladies, you can learn a lot about what a man likes just from watching him work his business.  (I'm just full of tips today.)

Well, the masturbator is a hit.  No, make that a huge hit.  We used it three times.  I helped about one and a half times.  The clean up is easy.  It's far superior to his hand, which sometimes can be a bit rough on the penis.  And with the added KY warming lube: perfect!

I can't say enough nice things about Adam and Eve.  Check them out.  Register as a user if you haven't previously.  They have offers all the time.  Good offers.  Lots of free stuff.  We managed to get four movies, the masturbator, some arousal gel samples, a mini silver vibe with different heads, and my crystal dildo for under $30 including shipping and handling.

And, on a side note, while placing the order I thought the website wasn't crediting me for the free stuff, so I called the toll free number.  The man on the line was super helpful and patient.  (I was an online adult shopping virgin.)  I was wrong, the website was right, and all was well with the world.

We'll be using them again.  And again.  We're just watching for the right offer.

Living his fantasy

That's what every man wants.  He wants to be with a woman who lets him live his fantasies.  He wants a woman who fulfills his fantasies.

Somehow, I have managed to morph into that woman for him.  And really, it isn't that I have changed.  I've always wanted to please him, make him happy.  I've always told him that I thought we could have this amazing sex life, but he didn't believe me.

Now, he knows it's true.  Now, we are living his dreams.  And they are so simple.

After having sex about eight times on Sunday, the vag was worn the heck out.  (What a way to spend a Sunday.  Ahhhh.)  And so suddenly, while he was still insatiable, I became the blow job queen.  I wanted him happy, satisfied, wearing that look.

Then he grew almost shy.

man: Can I cum on your chest?

me: Sure.

And I couldn't believe he was asking.  To me, not that big a deal.  And it was only later in the night that I realized what a big deal it was to him. 

man: You are letting me live out my fantasies.

me: Which ones?

man: I got to cum on your chest.

me: Huh.  I didn't realize it was that big a deal.  What was it that made it so big? 

And he tried to explain.  It was the entire experience.  It was fear of me rejecting him.  It was fear of how I would react to that particular dump location.  It was wanting it so badly and expecting to be denied. 

How could I deny such a small thing to a man who has brought me so much pleasure, so much joy?  Could you?

The unexpected perfect weekend

It wasn't the weekend we expected.  We were supposed to be having a threesome Friday night.  And she had convinced us to let her stay over so there would be no drinking and driving.  That meant I half expected the threesome to potentially stretch late into the night, possibly early morning.

At least that's how sex was with me and my man.  We could go on and on for hours, when things were good between us.  Oh, and at the moment, things were AMAZING.

So, when the threesome was canceled because she found a potential lesbian, I kinda wondered what to expect.  I shouldn't have been worried.  He hadn't worked on Friday.  He was happy to see me when I came home.

We took some more pictures.  We worked on our Rudester profile.  We checked out Craigslist.

Only those weren't even close to being the highlights of our weekend.  Instead, we spent the weekend having sex ALL OVER THE HOUSE.  And we love that.

We like variety.  Obviously.  And we had it.  We tried every position known to man.  We kissed and caressed.  We toyed and fondled.  We went at it like rabbits.  I lost count.  Who am I kidding?  I stopped counting a few weeks ago.

In between, we napped.  We ate.  We snuggled.  We watched television.

I can't imagine a more perfect weekend.  It was so relaxed.  I felt so connected.  It was the best.

Welcome to Rudester

We had some fifty pictures to choose from as we made our first profile.  We picked Rudester.  It's the Facebook for people looking for sex.  And the profiles were free.

Free is. good. There are enough other places for our money to be spent.  We have adult movies to buy and sex toys and games to purchase.  We don't need to waste money finding someone to have a threesome with.

So we created a profile.  We put pictures of both of us on there.  We made two albums, one public and one private.  (One to wet your appetite, one to keep you coming back for more.)

And then we did an advanced search.  We were looking for a woman who was interested in a threesome, some nice bi-sexual female.  How hard could it be?

Well, so far, we have had single men from all over the world wanting to friend us.  Are they not reading what we are looking for, or are they simply distracted by the lovely profile picture of my boobs?  I'm guessing it is the latter.

Those friend requests we have ignored.  There have been others.  We have friended some nice COUPLES from all over the world.  And we're hoping that one of the messages we have sent will pay off.

To quote my man: You wouldn't think it would be so difficult to find some horny bitch.

Luckily, we have some toys and games to play with while we wait.  What a lovely way to pass the time.

Back to the drawing board

It was a difficult phone call to make.  We had spent the last few days planning on how to make the threesome work at our house.  We live in a very social neighborhood and it never quite occurs to anyone that when we have company, we'd like to be alone.  And so we anticipated intrusion.  And we figured that in order to keep at least some of our ground rules, we'd have to prep the study.

So, for me to call and tell him, the day before this was all to take place, that it wasn't going to happen, that she had found a maybe lesbian to be with Friday night instead wasn't fun.  He was justifiably annoyed and frustrated.  I was, too.  We had bent more than we wanted for this to happen and just when it seemed it was happening, it wasn't.

And you know what that meant: start the search over.  Which meant that once again we had to wonder where to begin.  In one foul swoop, Craigslist had proven to be as unreliable as he imagined it to be.  He wouldn't want to post there again, even though it was free.  We had to find another way.

On the bright side, he wasn't pressuring me.  There was no rush, in his mind.  We were good.  We were better than ever.  He couldn't keep his hands off me.  He was more passionate than he ever had been.  And, more than that, he was more expressive of his feelings.

This man who feared those three little words was telling me every day, multiple times a day, that he loved me.

man: You know why I did (blank)?

me: Why?

man: Because I love you.

My heart was swelling.  We were in such a good place.  And that's why we were in no rush, willing to find the right one.  There were steps to be taken.

me: If we are going to create a profile on one of those sites, we need pictures.

It was an offhanded remark.  I knew he wasn't fond of us having pictures online.

man: No face shots.

And somehow that seemed worse.  But he was right.  With our professions, no face shots.

Just in case he felt frisky, I had moved the camera into the bedroom.  It paid off.

me: What if our reward for getting our work done over the weekend is that we create our profile and contact some people?

man: Then  we'll need pictures.

me: The camera is right there.

Then we were naked.  We were licking and kissing and touching.  He was in me.  We tried every pose and angle imaginable.  There were some fifty shots to choose from.  That may seem excessive, but we're on a mission.  We'll choose a few.  And the rest?  Well, they are just for us.  The way it should be.

A little give and take

We had a plan.  It was a good one.  We wanted to meet in a hotel room for our first threesome.  My man was even being super sweet about it.

man: It's your first time.  I want it to be special.  Let's look for a really nice room.  It'll be worth it to pay a little more.

If you only knew how frugal he was, you could truly appreciate how hard he was trying to make this a positive experience and reward me for my generosity.  He commented on that, too.

man: You are giving a lot to this relationship.  Don't think I don't see that.

It was nice that he did see that.

So, I sent our third the message about our plan. 

And she balked. 

She felt like we were trying to turn her into an escort by saying we wanted to meet in a hotel.  I thought it was reasonable that we not really want to invite a stranger into our home.  I knew that he had a way of attracting crazy chicks who would randomly pop up and now and again, simply walking into our house.  Pretty nervy, huh?

We talked.  I told him how I felt.  We both wanted this to happen, but how much were we willing to give.  This was supposed to be a situation where we would hook up and head home.  I planned on being the designated driver to ensure that.  Suddenly, this was getting infinitely more complicated.

man: What did you expect?  This isn't a simple thing.

Why not?  We had already agreed to the stuff that should have been the challenge.  We had already figured out the sex itself.  We had already found someone that shared  mutual attraction.  How could the location become such a sticking point?

Only it was.  And then it grew worse.  She wanted to stay over rather than drink and drive.  Seriously.

me: How many of our rules do we break?  Next, she'll want you to be in her.  I swear.  I'm about ready to walk.

He was frustrated.  Who could blame him? 

Then we calmed down.  There's a reason that I do all the contact work.  Okay, there's lots of reasons.  The main one, however, is that words are my friends.  Thus I used all my best diplomatic tact to press on and resolve our issues.

We would meet at our house.  She could sleep on the couch.  The dirty would take place in the great room or study.  And all was right with the world once more.

Focus on fun

That’s what I noticed the other night as we watched a porn.  I was going through some spam and discovered this site.  It was foreign.  And our conversation began benignly enough as he sat snuggled against me on the couch.

man: So, what language is that?

I have studied romance languages, French and Spanish, some Latin.  None of that, of course, qualifies me for the Slavic languages like German and Polish.  And that’s what I suspected this site was.  

Soon, we had turned off the volume altogether and were watching one that I selected.  It was a little girl on girl action.  I needed to get educated fast.  Our threesome was just around the corner.  So, I watched it as a learning experience.  And I could feel him getting excited beside me.

He sat with his legs spread, which was typical, but every once in a while he would shift his hips.  And when I stared at his jeans really hard, I saw where his erection was poking.

me: Hmmm.

And I began to stroke him through the jeans while we watched.  I distracted him by adding voices, pretending to translate.  He joined in. 

Then after a few more strokes, he told me he’d had enough.  And by looking at his face, I knew what he meant.  It was off to the bedroom with the laptop. 

We were naked together within seconds.  And he was in me even sooner.  He lasted longer than I expected, given that he was sober and horny as hell before we had even begun.  Like the good mate he is, he let me finish.  

That’s when I really began thinking.  It wasn’t so long ago that I would have been bothered by the porn.  I would have been hurt that he was so excited.  Only, now I look at it differently.  We are having fun with it.  We are watching it together.  He doesn’t comment about their hot bodies or disparage mine.  That is why it works.  Better still, he finds his release in me.  He doesn’t want to sneak off and masturbate.  He wants me ALL THE TIME.  And how can I complain?  Yeah, I can’t.  I don’t.  

Later that night, as he lay there having trouble sleeping, he made a request:

man: Can I hit it from the back?

Can he hit it from the back?  Hell, yeah!  It was on.

Letting loose

This is an experience for both of us.

While I grew up in a highly religious family and wondered how we ever came to be.  (Not a lot of affection between the parents.)  It was a wonder that I allowed myself to become as sexual a being as I am.  I feared porn.  I thought it was dirty.  I didn't know how to be sexy.  It was all about exploration, trial and error.

He, on the other hand, was all about sex and sexploration, as it were.  He tried most everything.  He now explains that he tried previously to have threesomes, but never really sealed the deal.  He was, however, naked in the same room as two chicks before.  Yeah.  Not the same.  Clearly, I was way more adventurous.

And there's something else about me.  It's something he likes and yet is slightly intimidated by.  I press forward.  I get it done.  When I set my mind to something, I just do it.  And that's what was happening with our sex life.  We were just pressing forward.

We were trying toys.  We became fans of Adam and Eve.  I offered up that we should get a DVD player for the bedroom, keep our own videos rather than waste money buying on the television.  He balked, but quickly came around.  I wanted some new toys.  All I had was a dildo and a vibrator.  And the vibrator needed batteries.  I had lost some other toys in the divorce.  I missed my double dolphin cock ring.  A lot. 

So we placed our first order.  It came with three videos, a mini vibe, a tightening gel, a lube, and a pink pussy lips masturbator.  He swears he'll only use it with me.  We'll see.  I'm not worried.  I'm not missing him or missing out any more.  And once these new toys arrive, expect reviews.  Lots and lots of reviews.

It's all in the details

We wanted, more than anything, for my first experience to be one with training wheels.  I haven't been with a chick since that fumbling experience with my best friend when we were twelve.  I never considered for a moment that I might be bi or even bi-curious.  As tightly wound as I was raised to be, I doubt the thought ever would have occurred to me to find out.

So, having him suggest a threesome would be the way to improve our relationship was hurtful and stinging.  Yet, as we progressed in this venture, my feelings began to change.  I would be lying if I didn't admit that I found it to be a bit intriguing.  And I loved what it was doing for us.  We were in the best place ever.  No more secrets.  No more holding back.  No lies.  We were happy and sexy and trying new things.

The emails were flying back and forth between me and our possible third.  There was much to discuss.  We had shared G-rated face pics.  She told me she was attracted to me.  She shared her limited experiences with women.  And we discussed what we wanted from the experience, what we wanted in the future, and where he would fit in.

Our third wasn't really interested in him touching her at all.  She offered to give him some oral and use her hands, but mostly, she wanted some girl time.  I worried that he wouldn't be okay with such limited involvement, but instead he thought it a good first experience for us.  He knew he would be able to be in me and join in somewhat.  That was enough.

The genie is out!

Yes, once we decided to pursue this strange new lifestyle, our life improved in every way.  It was little things at first, like phone calls during the day and text messages.  It was us, coming together, sharing a secret.  Ah, the ties that bind.

There were other changes.  I would get home and he'd suddenly take an interest in what I was working on with the laptop on the couch.  He would snuggle in next to me and watch me work.  He would interact and comment. 

We spent some of that time looking at Craigslist ads.  We hadn't settled anything with our potential third, yet.  And so we continued to look.  We discussed what we liked, what I could handle, how he imagined things being during the experience. 

Inevitably, we would end up heading off to the bedroom to have passionate sex before dinner.  And we'd look at more ads, discover more web pages that would help us find willing women.  Next thing you know, we'd be going at it again before bed.

Oh, and once we made it to bed, often with the laptop, we were having more sex.  We would turn on a porn.  I would select one for its educational properties.  What did I know about being with a woman?  My experiences were limited to some fondling I had done with my best friend at a sleepover when we were twelve.  Yes, she was my first orgasm with someone.  I was twelve!

So, we'd watch porn and we'd have some sexy pillow talk and we'd have lots and lots and lots of sex.  It has been amazing.  Do I wonder how long we can maintain this?  Of course.  Do I worry how much more I'll have to up the ante to keep him happy?  Sometimes.  Do I worry that he'll break my trust and cheat?  Never.  Do I worry that he'll go against our rules in the threesome?  Not even a little.

He's happier than ever.

Know what he said just the other day?

man: I'm realizing that you are the woman of my dreams more and more.

I always knew I was.  I knew that no one else could make him happy in the long run, but it's nice that he finally sees it, too.  It's especially nice that we have so much to look forward to.  We've been ironing out the details of the threesome.  It's supposed to happen over the weekend.

We asked, she answered

It was more than we could hope for.  I'm not sure I expected a response.  Maybe I was hoping that there would never be a response.  Maybe I was secretly hoping that agreeing and pursuing would be enough, that he would suddenly see me differently and we'd be magically healed.

Then I opened the email.  It came a mere four hours after I placed the ad.  I'm thinking that was a fast response.  And it was a good one.

The woman basically explained that she was interested in finding a couple she could have some fun with.  She talked about what she was looking for and how it matched with our ad.  She didn't want a relationship either.

So, I contacted my man.  And here's what's interesting.  Most of the time, we never talk during the day.  We don't flirt.  We don't call without reason.  We aren't playful.  It is all business.  This is a learned behavior that has developed from the beginning of our relationship.  He always made it clear that he couldn't just talk on the phone during the day because he was busy.  There had to be a point, a purpose to his calls.  And on days that he wasn't working, he liked the down time, the quiet, the away from me to be by himself.  So, we rarely talked.

I hated it.  I didn't feel close to him so much of the time because of it.  It made me feel like I was grasping to be with him every moment and like he was pulling away.  I need intimacy in all its many forms.

Things changed so quickly between us.  Good things.  Suddenly, as I was emailing this chick, trying to get to know her, see if we could agree to some terms, see if we were actually going to meet up, we grew closer.

Suddenly, this man who rarely texted me, wasn't really playful, was a bit standoffish at times became intimate.  He would text me if he hadn't heard from me in a few hours.  I sent him a sexy text here and there, letting him know that I was horny or excited or I simply wanted him.  And as we worked out the details, we were building an even tighter bond.

Suddenly, this man who went a month without having sex with me was having sex with me two and three times a day.  And good sex.  Really good sex.  Amazing sex.  Nothing had happened yet everything was better.

Let me tell you all about it.

So, how do we find a third?

This became a huge discussion.  Okay, he finally had me tacked down.  I finally had agreed to give it a shot.  I was willing to spice up our relationship by inviting a girl to come play.

Now, where would we find such a willing participant?

This would prove to be the greatest challenge.  We had rules to follow, remember?  We weren't trying to build a relationship so that meant that anyone he had a relationship with before was simply not an option.


There were nights we laid there in bed, fondling one another, racking our brains for a willing participant who wouldn't wreck our bond.  No, not her, they had dated.  I didn't care that she was bi and had commented that she thought I was hot before.  Um, not sure about her, despite the fact that she had merely been his fuck buddy, was a really fun toy, and would do anything he asked.  I figured that one would definitely want to break the rule about having him in her vag.  Sorry, he's all mine.

And so with little knowledge to go on, we turned to the one place I knew we might have some luck.  (It's not like there's a manual to this alternative lifestyle, you know?)  We visited Craigslist.  Hell, we did more than visit.  We placed an ad.  I was rather proud of it:

I've never been with a woman, but would like to try. He's had numerous threesomes and thinks it would spice up the relationship. We're looking for someone who is bi, experience a plus, for periodic encounters. We're not trying to make friends, or start a relationship. We just want someone to play with once in a while. Discretion a must.

Respond if you're interested.

Pretty straight-forward, right?  And we posted it under casual encounters, mw4w.  I sent it out into the universe wondering if anyone would even respond.

And lo and behold, a girl did.

Our ground rules

Every game has rules.  Every player knows not to break them.  This is what we came up with to keep it right between us.  It's all about respecting our relationship and each other.

1. Our bed is sacred.  At no point in time did I want to be in our bed picturing him there with someone else.  I wanted our bed to be just for us.  We could go out, have our fun, and come home and snuggle together in our space.
2. Our home is off limits to strangers.  I didn't know exactly how we were going to find our future partners, but I did know that I wasn't keen on having any of them know where we live.  We have neighbors.  Nosy neighbors.  Often intrusive neighbors.  And I didn't want our business to be all over the neighborhood.  Sure, they wouldn't necessarily know what was going on behind closed doors, but there could be speculation.
3. He is not to be in any vag but mine.  For me, sex is special.  At the same time, I recognize that it is only as special as the person/people you are sharing it with.  And since I was sharing it with my man, I wanted it to be special despite the fact that we weren't alone. 
4. We only do this together.  Alone is cheating.  I would not be meeting people outside of our arrangement, and neither would he.  This was something that we were using to spice up our sex life, not instead of having a sex life together.
5. We don't swing.  Since there was no other vag for him, there would be no other penis for me.  It seemed more than fair.  It wasn't that I was dying to have another penis.  I was very happy with his.  I wasn't looking to replace it or trade it in or even rent another one temporarily.
6. We weren't looking for a relationship.  Our plan was to simply find someone to have some fun with and then be on our way.  We didn't need a new friend.  We have friends.  We didn't want a lot of excess contact.  We weren't trying to build a bond with anyone else.  This was just about us, spicing up our sex life, and then getting back to us.

Thinking threesome

Naturally, he thought the way to solve all of our problems was to invite another woman into our bed.  I thought that would create a whole new set of problems, since I didn't want to share my bed or my man.  So, I tried to figure out how this could possibly work.

And we found ourselves once again exploring the question of how two people who loved each other simply couldn't make it work.  There had to be a way around that.  There had to be a place to meet in the middle, a place where we could find happiness together without hurting one another.

The secret is always in balance, finding a way to stay true to yourself while bending some to the other person's needs.  This was what I knew: he was used to variety, lots of different women all the damn time before me.  He wanted to be faithful.  He didn't want to hide his interest in porn.  He wanted me forever, but he wanted some spice, too.

It became a question of what I could live with and what I couldn't live without.  I didn't want to be without him.  We would have to find a middle ground.  And that meant being open and honest and addressing some tough questions.

me: If we had a threesome, what would you want to do?

man: Everything.

And that's where we hit our first snafoo.  Remember: I don't like sharing.  It would be hard enough to watch him touching another woman in front of me.  It would be hard enough to have him be fondled and all that by another woman.

In the end, we came to a few agreements.  We set up our own ground rules.  We decided to explore this alternate lifestyle that could save our relationship.  Only there was so much more to it than that.

me: I don't want this new part of our lives to just be about another woman.  I want toys and games and fun and things that are just for us, too.

That's how I managed to entice a man who was once so against toys to suddenly see the fun and value in them.  It was all about baby steps.  I was meeting in the middle about threesomes, he was willing to explore the fun stuff I wanted to, as well.

It's all about negotiation knowing the boundaries, and trusting your partner to stick to the agreements.

Online porn

Porn had become an issue for me because of my ex-husband.  I may have mentioned that he was a lying, cheating bastard?  Well, he was.  I would constantly be dealing with his little crushes, the phone numbers, the phone calls, all of it.  He wasn't very good at being sneaky.  And if that wasn't bad enough, since we often worked opposite schedules, he would spend a ridiculous amount of time engaging in online porn.

Don't get me wrong.  I have nothing against porn when used appropriately.  It can be a wonderful warm up, a great teaching tool.  It can start a discussion and open up new doors in a relationship.

And it can be a lovely alternative to cheating.

If, however, you once had a husband who watched it while having sex with you, and ended up pretty much ignoring you while he rammed into you repeatedly, then you might not be so keen on the porn.

And because of my past, my man knew how I felt about it.  He would tell me he wasn't really into it.  He would tell me that he didn't really like it.  Then I would use our computer and discover otherwise.  Men who are distracted by their erections rarely remember to close the windows that popped up.

We had our fights over it.  It was mostly my contention that I wouldn't be so against the porn if he looked at it while I was at work and then when I returned home he was so fired up to be with me that it enhanced our sex life, but that wasn't the case.  He was looking and we still were doing NOTHING.  Our sex life was at an all time low.  And the tensions were running high.

I left for work one morning after realizing that I hadn't had sex in nearly a month, very unhappy.  We were so distant.  I was so sad.  And that may be why I forgot to pack a breakfast.  Well, there was no way I was going to miss a meal.

When I burst into the house about five minutes after I left, all hell broke loose.  He was in the study.  A chair went flying as he struggled to stand and tuck his erection away.  I walked in and saw the live video porn streaming.

He was angry, but mostly embarrassed that he had been caught.  He told me he thought it was better to do that than to cheat on me.  And he told me he was having trouble being attracted to me anymore, but that he loved me, didn't want to lose me, and wanted a chance for our sex life to improve.  (Obviously, this was all before the threesome was ever mentioned.)

I could have been hurt and angry.  I was a little. Mostly, I decided to use it to my advantage.  Here he was with a raging erection that he needed to do something about.

me: Here's what we're going to do.  I'm going to go turn off my vehicle and we're going to go into the bedroom for a quickie.  You're going to hit it from behind.  You need this.  It's been a month since we've had sex.  I need this.  Let's go.

So that's what we did.  It was good for me just having him in me again.  It was good for him getting his release.  And it opened up a discussion for us.  It meant one less wall between us.  We had to address the porn.

The talk

He had said it out loud.  He wanted a threesome.  Sure, it was every man's dream, but I wasn't sure I was up to making it a reality.


Don't get me wrong.  I'm not super straight-laced.  I graduated from college.  I had my fair share of one night stands.  I had at least one foursome/couple swap.  And I even had a threesome with two guys once.  I was a dream for most men.

The song is right.  All men want a lady in the streets and a freak in the sheets.  They want someone who makes them feel like a man.  They want someone they can maintain an attraction to.

Since I was teen, I had been cultivating that perfect image.  I knew how to be just the right amount of sexy.  It wasn't easy.  I had to stretch myself sometimes.  There was the one tattoo, an impulse buy, that was a little surprise when I undressed.  And, for the undressing, I had taken strip tease classes.  They were fun and made me feel sexy.  And I loved the way he looked at me with his steamy gaze when I sat him in a chair in the bedroom, turned down the lights, turned on the music, and rocked his world.

So what was it about the threesome?  I'm jealous.  I'm possessive.  I'm no different than any man.  I don't want to share what's mine.  I don't want him in some other woman period, let alone in front of me.  Reassurances that I would find it to be really erotic didn't help.  Being told that I was given the green light to be with women didn't help.  I was bi-curious at best, and then only because I knew it would turn him on.

Would I consider it?  Let's see.  After our discussion I felt there were only so many options.  If I refused, there was a good chance our relationship would crumble.  I know that sounds harsh, but we had lost our spark because he felt trapped and caged.  He was used to variety and one woman forever was not variety.  He had sworn to never cheat on me, but would I ever be able to trust that if I knew that we weren't having sex.

Something had to change.  And it had to be both of us.  We had to change everything about our sex life.  Love is only part of a healthy relationship.  Sex is even bigger.  Sex is what makes us feel connected to each other.  Being held and snuggling can only take you so far.  Without sharing our bodies with each other, we were both drifting apart.

And so I told him that we needed to set some ground rules.  We needed to explore our options.  And that wasn't the only change we needed to make for our relationship to endure, for it to thrive.  There was so much more.

It was obvious after I walked in on him masturbating to online porn one morning.