Sunday, October 31, 2010
Communication is key
He knew. As much as he, too, was withdrawing, he felt my distance. And he would call me out.
man: I don't want you to leave. Stay. Let's work through this.
Only I didn't know what the answer was. I didn't know how to bridge the distance between us. I didn't know how to reach him. And so we turned to the one thing that had never failed us: our talks.
I had read tons of novels on relationships. I thought I knew what to say. Words rarely failed me.
me: What do you need from me to make this relationship work? I don't want to leave you.
His response was one I never would have predicted.
man: I'm bored.
He didn't have to explain bored to me. We were in a rut in every aspect of our lives. We were in jobs we hated. We never had money to do anything or go anywhere. We were struggling. And that didn't make for a very strong sex drive.
me: I understand. What would you like to do about it?
I saw this as my in to introduce toys to the relationship. I saw this as a way for us to try new things. And apparently so did he.
man: I think we should bring another girl in. I want threesomes.
I could have gone my whole life without hearing that. But when the words are spoken, they can't be undone. And so they hung there in the air between us. It felt like a knife through my heart.
Still. We had to talk about it. He had the courage to share what he wanted, what he needed. We had to address the giant neon pink elephant in the room.