By George, I think we've got it!

We had an interesting conversation last night.  He had looked at me, recognized my tired face, and offered up bed.  I readily accepted, but as we headed down the hall he made a comment. 

man: So, movie or computer?

And I smiled.  This meant he was in the mood.  Computer it was.

We went to bed.  And I worked to find us something...interesting.  It was a task complicated by his fondling my boobs and suckling.  Oh, and he was doing it perfectly.

Soon we were playing with each other as we watched a threesome movie.  Yes, our porn of choice.

There was a man sitting naked on the couch with two  naked chicks.  And they were pretty much taking turns sucking on him while he fondled their boobs. 

man: See.  That's what I want. Think we can have that?

me: Mostly.

Next thing you know, I'm reminding him once again of my sexual past. 

me: I've done a threesome with two guys.  And I've done sex same bed no swap.  And I've had group sex in a hot tub, no swap.

man: Wait a minute.  You're a freak!  You should be really into this.

And I reminded him the difference.  Feelings change everything.  He had his fun when he was younger, too.  It's different when you love your partner and don't want to share and don't want to hurt him or her.

That's where we struggle.

Soon, I was giving him a blow job while we talked.  It's hard to talk with your mouth full, but I managed.

man: So, I could...hit it from the back while you ate the chick out?

me: Mmmhmm.

man: So, could she give me a blow job?

me: Mmhm.

man: So, could I titty fuck her while she eats you?

me: Mmmkay.

And the potential scenarios went on and on.  He can be very creative when he's inspired.

man: So, only the vag is off limits?

I had to stop entirely for this, and worked him with my hands while we spoke.

me: Yes.  The vag is sacred.

He was happy.

man: I can work with that.

After I finished, he held me close as we drifted off to sleep.

man: We're forever, right?

me: Yeah.  Forever.

Focus on fun

That’s what I noticed the other night as we watched a porn.  I was going through some spam and discovered this site.  It was foreign.  And our conversation began benignly enough as he sat snuggled against me on the couch.

man: So, what language is that?

I have studied romance languages, French and Spanish, some Latin.  None of that, of course, qualifies me for the Slavic languages like German and Polish.  And that’s what I suspected this site was.  

Soon, we had turned off the volume altogether and were watching one that I selected.  It was a little girl on girl action.  I needed to get educated fast.  Our threesome was just around the corner.  So, I watched it as a learning experience.  And I could feel him getting excited beside me.

He sat with his legs spread, which was typical, but every once in a while he would shift his hips.  And when I stared at his jeans really hard, I saw where his erection was poking.

me: Hmmm.

And I began to stroke him through the jeans while we watched.  I distracted him by adding voices, pretending to translate.  He joined in. 

Then after a few more strokes, he told me he’d had enough.  And by looking at his face, I knew what he meant.  It was off to the bedroom with the laptop. 

We were naked together within seconds.  And he was in me even sooner.  He lasted longer than I expected, given that he was sober and horny as hell before we had even begun.  Like the good mate he is, he let me finish.  

That’s when I really began thinking.  It wasn’t so long ago that I would have been bothered by the porn.  I would have been hurt that he was so excited.  Only, now I look at it differently.  We are having fun with it.  We are watching it together.  He doesn’t comment about their hot bodies or disparage mine.  That is why it works.  Better still, he finds his release in me.  He doesn’t want to sneak off and masturbate.  He wants me ALL THE TIME.  And how can I complain?  Yeah, I can’t.  I don’t.  

Later that night, as he lay there having trouble sleeping, he made a request:

man: Can I hit it from the back?

Can he hit it from the back?  Hell, yeah!  It was on.

Letting loose

This is an experience for both of us.

While I grew up in a highly religious family and wondered how we ever came to be.  (Not a lot of affection between the parents.)  It was a wonder that I allowed myself to become as sexual a being as I am.  I feared porn.  I thought it was dirty.  I didn't know how to be sexy.  It was all about exploration, trial and error.

He, on the other hand, was all about sex and sexploration, as it were.  He tried most everything.  He now explains that he tried previously to have threesomes, but never really sealed the deal.  He was, however, naked in the same room as two chicks before.  Yeah.  Not the same.  Clearly, I was way more adventurous.

And there's something else about me.  It's something he likes and yet is slightly intimidated by.  I press forward.  I get it done.  When I set my mind to something, I just do it.  And that's what was happening with our sex life.  We were just pressing forward.

We were trying toys.  We became fans of Adam and Eve.  I offered up that we should get a DVD player for the bedroom, keep our own videos rather than waste money buying on the television.  He balked, but quickly came around.  I wanted some new toys.  All I had was a dildo and a vibrator.  And the vibrator needed batteries.  I had lost some other toys in the divorce.  I missed my double dolphin cock ring.  A lot. 

So we placed our first order.  It came with three videos, a mini vibe, a tightening gel, a lube, and a pink pussy lips masturbator.  He swears he'll only use it with me.  We'll see.  I'm not worried.  I'm not missing him or missing out any more.  And once these new toys arrive, expect reviews.  Lots and lots of reviews.

Online porn

Porn had become an issue for me because of my ex-husband.  I may have mentioned that he was a lying, cheating bastard?  Well, he was.  I would constantly be dealing with his little crushes, the phone numbers, the phone calls, all of it.  He wasn't very good at being sneaky.  And if that wasn't bad enough, since we often worked opposite schedules, he would spend a ridiculous amount of time engaging in online porn.

Don't get me wrong.  I have nothing against porn when used appropriately.  It can be a wonderful warm up, a great teaching tool.  It can start a discussion and open up new doors in a relationship.

And it can be a lovely alternative to cheating.

If, however, you once had a husband who watched it while having sex with you, and ended up pretty much ignoring you while he rammed into you repeatedly, then you might not be so keen on the porn.

And because of my past, my man knew how I felt about it.  He would tell me he wasn't really into it.  He would tell me that he didn't really like it.  Then I would use our computer and discover otherwise.  Men who are distracted by their erections rarely remember to close the windows that popped up.

We had our fights over it.  It was mostly my contention that I wouldn't be so against the porn if he looked at it while I was at work and then when I returned home he was so fired up to be with me that it enhanced our sex life, but that wasn't the case.  He was looking and we still were doing NOTHING.  Our sex life was at an all time low.  And the tensions were running high.

I left for work one morning after realizing that I hadn't had sex in nearly a month, very unhappy.  We were so distant.  I was so sad.  And that may be why I forgot to pack a breakfast.  Well, there was no way I was going to miss a meal.

When I burst into the house about five minutes after I left, all hell broke loose.  He was in the study.  A chair went flying as he struggled to stand and tuck his erection away.  I walked in and saw the live video porn streaming.

He was angry, but mostly embarrassed that he had been caught.  He told me he thought it was better to do that than to cheat on me.  And he told me he was having trouble being attracted to me anymore, but that he loved me, didn't want to lose me, and wanted a chance for our sex life to improve.  (Obviously, this was all before the threesome was ever mentioned.)

I could have been hurt and angry.  I was a little. Mostly, I decided to use it to my advantage.  Here he was with a raging erection that he needed to do something about.

me: Here's what we're going to do.  I'm going to go turn off my vehicle and we're going to go into the bedroom for a quickie.  You're going to hit it from behind.  You need this.  It's been a month since we've had sex.  I need this.  Let's go.

So that's what we did.  It was good for me just having him in me again.  It was good for him getting his release.  And it opened up a discussion for us.  It meant one less wall between us.  We had to address the porn.

The talk

He had said it out loud.  He wanted a threesome.  Sure, it was every man's dream, but I wasn't sure I was up to making it a reality.


Don't get me wrong.  I'm not super straight-laced.  I graduated from college.  I had my fair share of one night stands.  I had at least one foursome/couple swap.  And I even had a threesome with two guys once.  I was a dream for most men.

The song is right.  All men want a lady in the streets and a freak in the sheets.  They want someone who makes them feel like a man.  They want someone they can maintain an attraction to.

Since I was teen, I had been cultivating that perfect image.  I knew how to be just the right amount of sexy.  It wasn't easy.  I had to stretch myself sometimes.  There was the one tattoo, an impulse buy, that was a little surprise when I undressed.  And, for the undressing, I had taken strip tease classes.  They were fun and made me feel sexy.  And I loved the way he looked at me with his steamy gaze when I sat him in a chair in the bedroom, turned down the lights, turned on the music, and rocked his world.

So what was it about the threesome?  I'm jealous.  I'm possessive.  I'm no different than any man.  I don't want to share what's mine.  I don't want him in some other woman period, let alone in front of me.  Reassurances that I would find it to be really erotic didn't help.  Being told that I was given the green light to be with women didn't help.  I was bi-curious at best, and then only because I knew it would turn him on.

Would I consider it?  Let's see.  After our discussion I felt there were only so many options.  If I refused, there was a good chance our relationship would crumble.  I know that sounds harsh, but we had lost our spark because he felt trapped and caged.  He was used to variety and one woman forever was not variety.  He had sworn to never cheat on me, but would I ever be able to trust that if I knew that we weren't having sex.

Something had to change.  And it had to be both of us.  We had to change everything about our sex life.  Love is only part of a healthy relationship.  Sex is even bigger.  Sex is what makes us feel connected to each other.  Being held and snuggling can only take you so far.  Without sharing our bodies with each other, we were both drifting apart.

And so I told him that we needed to set some ground rules.  We needed to explore our options.  And that wasn't the only change we needed to make for our relationship to endure, for it to thrive.  There was so much more.

It was obvious after I walked in on him masturbating to online porn one morning.