He made my fantasy come true

I wrote about how my fantasies were different from his.  All of his fantasies involved threesomes with another girl or couples things.  He wanted us to get a little crazy.  I wanted us to incorporate toys.  He wanted to incorporate porn.  Still, I had one fantasy.  I wanted to be enough.

Throughout my entire marriage, I never felt like I was enough.  My ex cheated on me a lot, with alarming frequency.  There was always someone else.  And so it wore on my ego.  It broke down my confidence.  It made me a shadow of my former self.  All I've ever wanted was to be enough.
 
So, when we started talking about doing the things we've talked about doing, it was another affirmation that I still wasn't enough.  Maybe I would never be enough for anyone.  I was the one they all wanted to keep, but it was all about having their cake and eating it, too.

We pressed forward.  We tried lots of new things.  With mixed results.

And somehow, it has been good.  We have made some mistakes.  We rushed things to get anything going.  It could have really blown up in our face.  Instead, we're good.  We're still together and in love.

Then came last night.

We had a talk.  We have lots of talks.  Only this talk was extra special because he said something I never thought I'd hear.  He made my fantasy come true.

man: I don't want to look for another girl right now.  Let's forget about that for a while.  We don't need that.  We're good.  We have amazing sex.  I hope I'm not letting you down, but I want it to be just us for a while.

me: I'm enough?

man: Yeah, babe.  You're enough.  You're more than enough.

And he meant that in the best way.  It wasn't a jab at my weight.  It was genuine.  We're good.  And I don't care if it's just the two of us forever.  That's what I've always wanted.

The best way to go to bed early

Sunday night my man was tired.  As well he should have been.  We had a really busy weekend.  We were both feeling it.

We planned to be in bed for the night by 10:30pm, which is really early for us.  Only by 9pm, he was struggling to stay awake.  I was mildly disappointed.  I have trouble falling asleep if I go to bed too early.  And there is nothing more frustrating than lying in bed waiting to be overcome with sleep.

We went through our normal ritual.  There was teeth brushing and undressing.  There was picking a show to watch while we fell asleep.  And there was sex.

Oh, yeah, I was surprised, too.  Even more, I am surprised that it has become something of our ritual.  I'm thrilled with our loving, passionate sex life.

Suddenly, he's a fan of lube.  Suddenly, we have almost nightly sex.  Suddenly, he is embracing talking dirty.  (He's getting better.)

See, I love words.  They are my crack.  And I love when he talks to me about the many sexual acts he wants to perform with me, or imagines sharing with me and our third.  I can almost get off on the words alone.  (He has a great voice.)

So he told me how he might want to just sit back and watch me with the other girl for a while.  He told me how he might want to titty fuck her.  He told me he might want to hit it from the back while I ate her out.  (I have a lot to learn...)

And I rode him while he talked.  And then I had a long powerful orgasm, the kind that can really help a girl sleep, the kind that turns your legs to jelly while your inner thighs ache.  Oh so good!

An hour and a half after we went into the bedroom, I passed out with his leg slung over me, loved and warm.  Nothing could have beaten that.

Another glorious weekend

We had our set backs.  We had some plans, we thought.  And I was worried that the disappointment would set in and keep us from truly enjoying our alone time.

I shouldn't have.

It was amazing.  And it all began with Friday night.  At one point, early, maybe nine, he told me what he was thinking.

man: So, what if we go in the bedroom, throw on a porn, and I tie you up?

me: Let's go.

And so we went to the bedroom.  He tied me to what's left of our headboard.  (Long story.  Suffice it to say, we've done the light bondage thing before and he's strong when he's determined.  He really wanted to touch me.)

We picked a porn.  (Our selection should be growing by the end of the week.  We're getting another shipment from Adam & Eve.)

Next thing you know, he's pulled out my vibrator and some lube.  And he's using his tongue on me.  And I'm just about a quivering mess.  He must have loved the way I looked because he suggested we switch.

me: Be gentle with the headboard this time.

His response was pretty non-committal.  And then he upped the ante.  We played a game while I teased his cock with my mouth and tongue.

man: Let's play truth or dare.

We have had some amazing times with that game.  I love getting to know him better in a non-threatening way.  And I love our dares, so sexy.

What I love most is that our sessions last for hours.  We have yet to truly master the quickie.  Even our quickie is a good half an hour long.

man: See.  We have amazing sex.  We don't need to rush into a threesome or The Estate.  But someday, soon...

When you're not feeling sexy

I have to tell you, there are times that I simply don't feel that sexy.  Times when I don't feel like being sexy.  But still, at no time do I ever say no to getting sexy with my man.

Don't get me wrong.  Over the years he has turned me down plenty.  And that will be his chief excuse.

man: I don't feel sexy right now.

Really?  You have a raging boner and you don't feel sexy.  Okay.  It's morning wood.  I can see where it might simply be the old pee hard on.

And so I let him alone.  I'm nice like that.  And I have learned that forcing the issue doesn't really help anything.  So no forcing the issue--ever.

I think I'm still recovering from our weekend of unbridled passion.  My vag is finally not one aching unit.  And all indications are that he might very well be on his own road to recovery.  At least I hope he recovers soon.

These periods where I'm simply not feeling it are always brief.  I love him.  I lust him.  I long for him.  And while I love that he holds me every night and always has to be touching me, even if it's while we are on the couch watching television, it will never replace the intimacy that we get from sex.

I love that intimacy.  Still, we have to discuss and explore what intimacy we're comfortable sharing with others.  We plan to move forward and try something new over the weekend.  With that in mind, we need to get moving, get searching, and nail down where we stand on everything.

Where do  you draw the line?  What are we comfortable with?

He's still haunted by his dream.  So, I know he's not comfortable involving another man.  He's subtle like that, see.  At the same time, I think we need to explore our dealings with other women.  I'm not ready to see him in another woman.  Call me crazy.  I'm going to have to work up to that.

And so we've been talking about things.  We've been discussing my concerns.  More than anything, I don't want things to change between us.  I still want us to have our special alone time.  I don't want everything to from now on always have to involve someone else.  These are things I think about.

Maybe I'm a little normal.  I can't just jump both feet without considering the consequences and every angle.  I love him.  All of this matters.

Still, I'm intrigued and eager to move forward.  Guess I'm feeling a little sexy. 

Why’s it always so hot between us?

That was the question he posed the other night after we finished with yet another amazing sexperience.  Yes, sexperience.  My definition: a sexual experience.  There.  I made a new word.

We had simply been lying on the couch in the living room when he suddenly looked at me and decided that we should go in the bedroom and pleasure each other.  And I completely understood why.  I credit The Time Traveler’s Wife.  I know it sounds strange.  For a man who knows only one way to truly show his love, a man who finds holding and snuggling to be too insignificant a demonstration of his true feelings, sex becomes the perfect expression.

A sexpression, if you will.

(See, I just did it again.  Sexpression: the use of sex to express your emotions.)

So, in order to truly demonstrate his feeling he shared a sexpression that was an incredible sexperience.  And it was amazing.  It was hot.  It was just how we wanted to end our weekend, on a high, thoroughly sated.  He tells me he loves me and he shows me he loves me.

It’s in his touch, the way his hands cup my breasts and the way his thumbs stroke my nipples.  It’s in the way his tongue flicks my clit.  It’s in the way he moves his lips over my neck, the way his teeth nibble my ear lobe.  It’s in his every caress. 

And when we’re through and sleep begins to claim us, the expression of his love is in the way he wraps an arm around me and melds my body to his.  Sometimes we get too hot, but he never releases me, never lets me go. 

Love.  That’s what makes it so hot.

The unexpected perfect weekend

It wasn't the weekend we expected.  We were supposed to be having a threesome Friday night.  And she had convinced us to let her stay over so there would be no drinking and driving.  That meant I half expected the threesome to potentially stretch late into the night, possibly early morning.

At least that's how sex was with me and my man.  We could go on and on for hours, when things were good between us.  Oh, and at the moment, things were AMAZING.

So, when the threesome was canceled because she found a potential lesbian, I kinda wondered what to expect.  I shouldn't have been worried.  He hadn't worked on Friday.  He was happy to see me when I came home.

We took some more pictures.  We worked on our Rudester profile.  We checked out Craigslist.

Only those weren't even close to being the highlights of our weekend.  Instead, we spent the weekend having sex ALL OVER THE HOUSE.  And we love that.

We like variety.  Obviously.  And we had it.  We tried every position known to man.  We kissed and caressed.  We toyed and fondled.  We went at it like rabbits.  I lost count.  Who am I kidding?  I stopped counting a few weeks ago.

In between, we napped.  We ate.  We snuggled.  We watched television.

I can't imagine a more perfect weekend.  It was so relaxed.  I felt so connected.  It was the best.

Focus on fun

That’s what I noticed the other night as we watched a porn.  I was going through some spam and discovered this site.  It was foreign.  And our conversation began benignly enough as he sat snuggled against me on the couch.

man: So, what language is that?

I have studied romance languages, French and Spanish, some Latin.  None of that, of course, qualifies me for the Slavic languages like German and Polish.  And that’s what I suspected this site was.  

Soon, we had turned off the volume altogether and were watching one that I selected.  It was a little girl on girl action.  I needed to get educated fast.  Our threesome was just around the corner.  So, I watched it as a learning experience.  And I could feel him getting excited beside me.

He sat with his legs spread, which was typical, but every once in a while he would shift his hips.  And when I stared at his jeans really hard, I saw where his erection was poking.

me: Hmmm.

And I began to stroke him through the jeans while we watched.  I distracted him by adding voices, pretending to translate.  He joined in. 

Then after a few more strokes, he told me he’d had enough.  And by looking at his face, I knew what he meant.  It was off to the bedroom with the laptop. 

We were naked together within seconds.  And he was in me even sooner.  He lasted longer than I expected, given that he was sober and horny as hell before we had even begun.  Like the good mate he is, he let me finish.  

That’s when I really began thinking.  It wasn’t so long ago that I would have been bothered by the porn.  I would have been hurt that he was so excited.  Only, now I look at it differently.  We are having fun with it.  We are watching it together.  He doesn’t comment about their hot bodies or disparage mine.  That is why it works.  Better still, he finds his release in me.  He doesn’t want to sneak off and masturbate.  He wants me ALL THE TIME.  And how can I complain?  Yeah, I can’t.  I don’t.  

Later that night, as he lay there having trouble sleeping, he made a request:

man: Can I hit it from the back?

Can he hit it from the back?  Hell, yeah!  It was on.

Our story begins

We met a few years ago.  I was a reasonably sexy woman who was in my mid-thirties and in the middle of a divorce from my lying, cheating husband of fifteen years.  He was a reasonably muscular man in his late twenties.  He loved how intelligent I was, found that to be a huge turn on.  And I loved his passion for me and his honesty.

The two of us became fast friends and then lovers.  And while I wasn't sure what I saw in our future, I loved our sex life.  It was the passion.  It was being on fire together.

Only, like with most fires, the passion slowly died and we became one of those old married couples (even though we aren't married) who had sex anywhere from occasionally to barely at all.  I would complain.  He would explain that the pressure didn't help.  I would make a move.  He would turn me down.  All the rejection and feeling unloved and unwanted took its toll.

We broke up and got back together several times.  There were some unavoidable truths that he couldn't escape.  There were feelings that he couldn't recover from.  And in the end, we realized we had to make it work or suffer forever.  We love each other.  We want to be together.

And so we hoped that one day our sex life would come back.  We hoped that in the course of building a life together, we'd find that romantic spark, that the passion would once again ignite.  I figured it was a phase.  I expected that, like the tides, there would be ebbs and flows in our feelings and our sex drive. 

It's come back.  It's stronger than ever.  Follow along and see what has made all the difference.