A little give and take

We had a plan.  It was a good one.  We wanted to meet in a hotel room for our first threesome.  My man was even being super sweet about it.

man: It's your first time.  I want it to be special.  Let's look for a really nice room.  It'll be worth it to pay a little more.

If you only knew how frugal he was, you could truly appreciate how hard he was trying to make this a positive experience and reward me for my generosity.  He commented on that, too.

man: You are giving a lot to this relationship.  Don't think I don't see that.

It was nice that he did see that.

So, I sent our third the message about our plan. 

And she balked. 

She felt like we were trying to turn her into an escort by saying we wanted to meet in a hotel.  I thought it was reasonable that we not really want to invite a stranger into our home.  I knew that he had a way of attracting crazy chicks who would randomly pop up and now and again, simply walking into our house.  Pretty nervy, huh?

We talked.  I told him how I felt.  We both wanted this to happen, but how much were we willing to give.  This was supposed to be a situation where we would hook up and head home.  I planned on being the designated driver to ensure that.  Suddenly, this was getting infinitely more complicated.

man: What did you expect?  This isn't a simple thing.

Why not?  We had already agreed to the stuff that should have been the challenge.  We had already figured out the sex itself.  We had already found someone that shared  mutual attraction.  How could the location become such a sticking point?

Only it was.  And then it grew worse.  She wanted to stay over rather than drink and drive.  Seriously.

me: How many of our rules do we break?  Next, she'll want you to be in her.  I swear.  I'm about ready to walk.

He was frustrated.  Who could blame him? 

Then we calmed down.  There's a reason that I do all the contact work.  Okay, there's lots of reasons.  The main one, however, is that words are my friends.  Thus I used all my best diplomatic tact to press on and resolve our issues.

We would meet at our house.  She could sleep on the couch.  The dirty would take place in the great room or study.  And all was right with the world once more.

Focus on fun

That’s what I noticed the other night as we watched a porn.  I was going through some spam and discovered this site.  It was foreign.  And our conversation began benignly enough as he sat snuggled against me on the couch.

man: So, what language is that?

I have studied romance languages, French and Spanish, some Latin.  None of that, of course, qualifies me for the Slavic languages like German and Polish.  And that’s what I suspected this site was.  

Soon, we had turned off the volume altogether and were watching one that I selected.  It was a little girl on girl action.  I needed to get educated fast.  Our threesome was just around the corner.  So, I watched it as a learning experience.  And I could feel him getting excited beside me.

He sat with his legs spread, which was typical, but every once in a while he would shift his hips.  And when I stared at his jeans really hard, I saw where his erection was poking.

me: Hmmm.

And I began to stroke him through the jeans while we watched.  I distracted him by adding voices, pretending to translate.  He joined in. 

Then after a few more strokes, he told me he’d had enough.  And by looking at his face, I knew what he meant.  It was off to the bedroom with the laptop. 

We were naked together within seconds.  And he was in me even sooner.  He lasted longer than I expected, given that he was sober and horny as hell before we had even begun.  Like the good mate he is, he let me finish.  

That’s when I really began thinking.  It wasn’t so long ago that I would have been bothered by the porn.  I would have been hurt that he was so excited.  Only, now I look at it differently.  We are having fun with it.  We are watching it together.  He doesn’t comment about their hot bodies or disparage mine.  That is why it works.  Better still, he finds his release in me.  He doesn’t want to sneak off and masturbate.  He wants me ALL THE TIME.  And how can I complain?  Yeah, I can’t.  I don’t.  

Later that night, as he lay there having trouble sleeping, he made a request:

man: Can I hit it from the back?

Can he hit it from the back?  Hell, yeah!  It was on.

Letting loose

This is an experience for both of us.

While I grew up in a highly religious family and wondered how we ever came to be.  (Not a lot of affection between the parents.)  It was a wonder that I allowed myself to become as sexual a being as I am.  I feared porn.  I thought it was dirty.  I didn't know how to be sexy.  It was all about exploration, trial and error.

He, on the other hand, was all about sex and sexploration, as it were.  He tried most everything.  He now explains that he tried previously to have threesomes, but never really sealed the deal.  He was, however, naked in the same room as two chicks before.  Yeah.  Not the same.  Clearly, I was way more adventurous.

And there's something else about me.  It's something he likes and yet is slightly intimidated by.  I press forward.  I get it done.  When I set my mind to something, I just do it.  And that's what was happening with our sex life.  We were just pressing forward.

We were trying toys.  We became fans of Adam and Eve.  I offered up that we should get a DVD player for the bedroom, keep our own videos rather than waste money buying on the television.  He balked, but quickly came around.  I wanted some new toys.  All I had was a dildo and a vibrator.  And the vibrator needed batteries.  I had lost some other toys in the divorce.  I missed my double dolphin cock ring.  A lot. 

So we placed our first order.  It came with three videos, a mini vibe, a tightening gel, a lube, and a pink pussy lips masturbator.  He swears he'll only use it with me.  We'll see.  I'm not worried.  I'm not missing him or missing out any more.  And once these new toys arrive, expect reviews.  Lots and lots of reviews.

It's all in the details

We wanted, more than anything, for my first experience to be one with training wheels.  I haven't been with a chick since that fumbling experience with my best friend when we were twelve.  I never considered for a moment that I might be bi or even bi-curious.  As tightly wound as I was raised to be, I doubt the thought ever would have occurred to me to find out.

So, having him suggest a threesome would be the way to improve our relationship was hurtful and stinging.  Yet, as we progressed in this venture, my feelings began to change.  I would be lying if I didn't admit that I found it to be a bit intriguing.  And I loved what it was doing for us.  We were in the best place ever.  No more secrets.  No more holding back.  No lies.  We were happy and sexy and trying new things.

The emails were flying back and forth between me and our possible third.  There was much to discuss.  We had shared G-rated face pics.  She told me she was attracted to me.  She shared her limited experiences with women.  And we discussed what we wanted from the experience, what we wanted in the future, and where he would fit in.

Our third wasn't really interested in him touching her at all.  She offered to give him some oral and use her hands, but mostly, she wanted some girl time.  I worried that he wouldn't be okay with such limited involvement, but instead he thought it a good first experience for us.  He knew he would be able to be in me and join in somewhat.  That was enough.

The genie is out!

Yes, once we decided to pursue this strange new lifestyle, our life improved in every way.  It was little things at first, like phone calls during the day and text messages.  It was us, coming together, sharing a secret.  Ah, the ties that bind.

There were other changes.  I would get home and he'd suddenly take an interest in what I was working on with the laptop on the couch.  He would snuggle in next to me and watch me work.  He would interact and comment. 

We spent some of that time looking at Craigslist ads.  We hadn't settled anything with our potential third, yet.  And so we continued to look.  We discussed what we liked, what I could handle, how he imagined things being during the experience. 

Inevitably, we would end up heading off to the bedroom to have passionate sex before dinner.  And we'd look at more ads, discover more web pages that would help us find willing women.  Next thing you know, we'd be going at it again before bed.

Oh, and once we made it to bed, often with the laptop, we were having more sex.  We would turn on a porn.  I would select one for its educational properties.  What did I know about being with a woman?  My experiences were limited to some fondling I had done with my best friend at a sleepover when we were twelve.  Yes, she was my first orgasm with someone.  I was twelve!

So, we'd watch porn and we'd have some sexy pillow talk and we'd have lots and lots and lots of sex.  It has been amazing.  Do I wonder how long we can maintain this?  Of course.  Do I worry how much more I'll have to up the ante to keep him happy?  Sometimes.  Do I worry that he'll break my trust and cheat?  Never.  Do I worry that he'll go against our rules in the threesome?  Not even a little.

He's happier than ever.

Know what he said just the other day?

man: I'm realizing that you are the woman of my dreams more and more.

I always knew I was.  I knew that no one else could make him happy in the long run, but it's nice that he finally sees it, too.  It's especially nice that we have so much to look forward to.  We've been ironing out the details of the threesome.  It's supposed to happen over the weekend.

We asked, she answered

It was more than we could hope for.  I'm not sure I expected a response.  Maybe I was hoping that there would never be a response.  Maybe I was secretly hoping that agreeing and pursuing would be enough, that he would suddenly see me differently and we'd be magically healed.

Then I opened the email.  It came a mere four hours after I placed the ad.  I'm thinking that was a fast response.  And it was a good one.

The woman basically explained that she was interested in finding a couple she could have some fun with.  She talked about what she was looking for and how it matched with our ad.  She didn't want a relationship either.

So, I contacted my man.  And here's what's interesting.  Most of the time, we never talk during the day.  We don't flirt.  We don't call without reason.  We aren't playful.  It is all business.  This is a learned behavior that has developed from the beginning of our relationship.  He always made it clear that he couldn't just talk on the phone during the day because he was busy.  There had to be a point, a purpose to his calls.  And on days that he wasn't working, he liked the down time, the quiet, the away from me to be by himself.  So, we rarely talked.

I hated it.  I didn't feel close to him so much of the time because of it.  It made me feel like I was grasping to be with him every moment and like he was pulling away.  I need intimacy in all its many forms.

Things changed so quickly between us.  Good things.  Suddenly, as I was emailing this chick, trying to get to know her, see if we could agree to some terms, see if we were actually going to meet up, we grew closer.

Suddenly, this man who rarely texted me, wasn't really playful, was a bit standoffish at times became intimate.  He would text me if he hadn't heard from me in a few hours.  I sent him a sexy text here and there, letting him know that I was horny or excited or I simply wanted him.  And as we worked out the details, we were building an even tighter bond.

Suddenly, this man who went a month without having sex with me was having sex with me two and three times a day.  And good sex.  Really good sex.  Amazing sex.  Nothing had happened yet everything was better.

Let me tell you all about it.

So, how do we find a third?

This became a huge discussion.  Okay, he finally had me tacked down.  I finally had agreed to give it a shot.  I was willing to spice up our relationship by inviting a girl to come play.

Now, where would we find such a willing participant?

This would prove to be the greatest challenge.  We had rules to follow, remember?  We weren't trying to build a relationship so that meant that anyone he had a relationship with before was simply not an option.


There were nights we laid there in bed, fondling one another, racking our brains for a willing participant who wouldn't wreck our bond.  No, not her, they had dated.  I didn't care that she was bi and had commented that she thought I was hot before.  Um, not sure about her, despite the fact that she had merely been his fuck buddy, was a really fun toy, and would do anything he asked.  I figured that one would definitely want to break the rule about having him in her vag.  Sorry, he's all mine.

And so with little knowledge to go on, we turned to the one place I knew we might have some luck.  (It's not like there's a manual to this alternative lifestyle, you know?)  We visited Craigslist.  Hell, we did more than visit.  We placed an ad.  I was rather proud of it:

I've never been with a woman, but would like to try. He's had numerous threesomes and thinks it would spice up the relationship. We're looking for someone who is bi, experience a plus, for periodic encounters. We're not trying to make friends, or start a relationship. We just want someone to play with once in a while. Discretion a must.

Respond if you're interested.

Pretty straight-forward, right?  And we posted it under casual encounters, mw4w.  I sent it out into the universe wondering if anyone would even respond.

And lo and behold, a girl did.