Getting back to my sexy self

I am notorious for winter weight.  I can’t help.  Okay, I could, I just don’t get too crazy with it.  

Like most people, in the winter, I tend to hibernate more.  I sleep more.  I exercise less.  I eat…the same.

And it takes its toll.  I am curvy by nature.  When I am at an ideal weight, I have a really lovely hourglass figure.  When I’m not, the hourglass is larger.  In the south, they would refer to me as ‘thick.’  (Not truly fat, but not thin, either.)

And now it’s closing in on February.  Spring comes early to the south.  Within two months I will have shed the extra layers of clothing that cover my unsightly extra layers of weight.  We can’t have Lexi looking anything less than sexy when that happens, right?

So, I’m dieting.  And soon I’ll be forced to incorporate exercise.  (Because I need to add one more thing to my already packed day.)  There will be results.  The good thing is that I can usually maintain really well.  (Although that begs the question…if that’s true, why do I need to lose weight?  Nevermind.)

I can’t wait to get thinner.  Let me tell you why.  My man is attracted to me no matter what because of the connection we have.  Oh, but when I’m thinner and hotter, look out!  And so, I think I need to attach some goals and rewards to this new program. 

I think after the first ten pounds, there should be some sextacular experience.  And again after each ten pound increment.  I plan to lose a good thirty pounds.  I think.  Could be more.  Could be less. 

Then…maybe, just maybe…I’ll show real pictures of Sexy Lexi and let you judge for yourself. 

 

Getting your freak on with foreign objects

I don't understand it.  And this is coming from the woman who owns a dildo, a crystal dildo, an array of vibes, a vibrator, and a bullet.  Please note, when I refer to foreign objects, I don't mean those.

Instead, I am referring to things like gerbils or bottles or brushes.

We have an account on Rudester.  After browsing through pictures on there, we located one woman with a penchant for sticking bizarre foreign objects in her pussy.  The list is impressive.  Ready?

• broom handle
• champagne bottle
• beer bottle
• light saber (which means there's a kid somewhere playing with it!  Ewwww!)
• vacuum handle

All I know is that I'll stick to my Adam and Eve products.  They seem...safer and sanitary.  They are shatter proof.  No kid will ever play with them.  They don't double as a cleaning product.

Somehow, I don't think this makes me dull and boring.  Nope.  I think it makes me sane and hygienic.  I have way more respect for my vag than to do anything to jeopardize it.  And I'm good with that.

A toy with potential

We looked at it.  We added the required batteries.  We gave it a teeny tiney test drive.

 

Now, it’s time to get serious.

Oh, but here’s what we discovered during the test drive.

• The bullet vibrates like crazy. 
• We love the remote…that he controls.
• Having it on a leash means so much more potential.  He can pull it in and out.  In and out.  Well, you get the idea.
• Using the leash, the bullet can be dangled and dragged over some highly sensitive areas with pleasant results.  (A happy clit is a good clit.)
• With the bullet on the leash, there’s still room for him.  Then we can both enjoy the good, good, good, good vibrations!  (Not sure that’s what the Beach Boys had in mind.  Oh, but it is on my mind.)

 

And so I’m eager to go butt crazy wild with that thing.  We are gonna have so much fun.  I’m thinking multiple orgasms. 

Go get you one…  (A bullet and an orgasm, of course.)

 

Making up is fun to do

We spent the better part of the weekend connecting.  It was lovely.

He said the nicest things to me, reassuring me that we were in this forever.  He let me know that he was still wildly attracted to me.  He reminded me of all the many things he loved about me.

And I soaked it all in.  It was easy.  It was everything I wanted to hear and even more what I wanted to believe.

We spent a lot of time getting sexy...in the bedroom...in the living room...in the man cave.  Yes, we like to spread it around.  A change of scenery is always pleasing.  And it was scenic.

For some reason, his favorite thing to do, it seemed, was eat me out.

Well, stick to what you're good at, I say.  And he is damn good.  Because it is such an intimate act, I have let very few people even go down on me.  But him, it seemed almost natural our first time.  There have been so many times since.  Each time seems better than the last.  And for good reason...

He asks what I like.  He wants to please me.  And it is so fun discovering what I like.  I know, by now I should know, but I don't.  So, we're learning together.

We started Saturday evening in the bedroom with him enjoying me there.  And I was soooo close.  Later, we went and talked in the man cave.  I love the way he speaks so matter of factly to me.

man: Why don't you take off your pants so I can eat you out?

me: Well, okay.

And he spent about half an hour between my legs, licking and sucking  and nuzzling until I finally released.  It was amazing.  I was so swollen that I didn't think I could even move.  I was sore well into Sunday.

Sometimes, sore is so good.  It means that you were loved right.  And that man does know how to show he loves me.

I'll take that bet

It all started on the drive home from running some errands.

man: I don't know why anyone would drive a four door Accord.  They look so much better as a two door.

And then somehow he mentioned that one of our neighbors had one.  And I disagreed.

me: No, she has a Nissan Altima.

He laughed at me.  And then he asked that age old question.

man: Wanna bet?

I never back down.  I just make sure that the bets are all win-win!

me: What are we betting?

man: $100.

me: Please.  We're not betting money.

And so the bet was revised.  If he won, he'd get a blow job.  If I won, he's go down on me.  See?  Win-win!

man: I hope the car is in the driveway when we get home.

Sure enough.  And my man will be getting a blow job.  And I don't mind.

Things have been a little tense over the last two days.  We haven't been having sex because of it.  I let him know that I was missing it.  I really am.  And I haven't even turned to masturbating because I really just want him.  He's worth the wait.  Always has been.  Always will be.

I was thinking

We're making a concerted effort to get through all of this right now.  We agreed to a month free of She-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named.  We aren't talking about her.  He's not talking to her.  It works for me.  We need time to heal.  We need time to mend our relationship.  Because most of the time, it's an amazing relationship.  Most of the time, we are the envy of all of our friends...and they don't even know the half of it.

Part of it stems, of course, from the connection we have and our amazing sex life.  It's always been that way.  And he's always been surprised when we finish at how good it was. 

man: That was some awesome sex.

me: I know.

man: We always have such great sex.

me: I know.

And after listening to him revel in it for a few minutes, I finally felt compelled to explain why.

me: You know why, right?  It's because it's not just your body.  When we have sex we're connected by our hearts and our minds as well.  It fulfills a whole lot of different needs.

And he thought about it.  In the end he agreed it hit him places he had never been hit before.  Close enough.  I know what I know.  And I know that most of the time, he comes around and sees things the way I do.

I thought about how we began...as friends.  I thought about how I joked that when my ex finally moved out that I'd need to get a second job.  Hmm.  Maybe I'd work at Hooters.

me: Of course, no one wants to see 35 year old boobs.

And he proved me wrong.  Apparently he did. 

I'll never forget our first time.  We had been spending more and more time together.  And one night while watching a movie on the couch, he was testing.  I sat still, like you would with a deer, so as not to startle him.  I let him edge closer.  I let him lay his head on my shoulder.  I let him brush up against my boobs.  I met his gaze full on to show he could fondle away.

He was too timid.  Ah, but minutes later in the screened porch doorway, we were nuzzling and then we kissed, passionately.

man: What are we doing?

me: Kissing.

I knew that wasn't what he meant.  I knew he wanted to know my intentions, where we were going at the moment.  And I had no idea.  I just knew that my body had never responded to another body the way it responded to his.  And I liked it.  I wanted to see how far we would take it.

Minutes later, we took it right to the bedroom. 

Yeah, we turned the lights down low.  He undressed me as soon as he ripped off his clothes.  And we had the most intense sex ever.  (Well, the most intense sex I had ever had.  Since he was running things, I'm guessing we had it just the way he liked it.)  We tried position after position.  And it seemed natural.  There was none of that nervous awkwardness that comes from a first time.  It was fluid, like we had done this before, maybe for years even.  We were meant to be.

We're still meant to be. 

I told him not to be worried about fights.  Not every fight means the end.  Sometimes a fight is just a fight.  It means there are issues we have to work through.  I've taught him how to stick it out.  I've taught him there are things worth fighting for.

And he has taught me it's okay to let my freak out.  Here's to a fun and freaky weekend. 

The other woman

This isn't going to be the post I intended it to be.  I was going to talk about how we ended up IMing some people on Nexxus and building some bridges to hopefully hook up at some point in the not so distant future.  It was fun.  It was sexy.  And it inevitably ended with us having hours of passionate sex in our bedroom.

Ah, yes.  And then came Monday. 

Like most of the south, we were covered under a blanket of snow.  And the world shut down.  That's what happens in the south.  Two or more inches of snow and life grinds to a halt.  So, I was out of work.  And I like being home with him...mostly.

Well, we had our provisions, some food, liquor, and movies.  We were settling in for the night when all hell broke loose.  And by that, of course, I mean that I went ballistic when I discovered that he was texting that chick again.  Hadn't he just promised on New Year's Eve that they were never going to interact again?  Hadn't we agreed that pretty much anyone we had slept with previously was not going to be part of our relationship?

Oh, well, he took it all back.  They were JUST FRIENDS and they were going to stay friends.  I could like it or not.  And what did that mean?  Well, for me, it means that I am supposed to deal with him seeing her and talking to her on the phone and texting her.  And I'm not sure I can deal with that.

I'm not sure because she was all over him in front of me at our house while we were living together and he did nothing to stop her.  He didn't even stop her when she kissed him.  And I let her leave completely intact and unscathed because I have a  little thing I like to call...class.  It's something she lacks completely.

And I'm not sure because he claims she's not a threat, but uses her as a threat against me.  As in...I'm leaving and I'm going to stay with HER.  Or...my favorite from the other night...if you do that, I'll go fuck HER tomorrow while you are at work.

Right.  So, naturally, I'm overreacting.  And they are in such cahoots right now over it that I'm being made to feel like the outsider, the bitch who is trying to keep him from his friend of ten years.  (Oh, make that his friend with benefits of ten years.)  No, I'm not handling this well.

I love this man with all my heart.  All of it.  It's his.  And he should take better care of it.  Only he's not.  And he's acting like I'm wrong.  And I'm not.  I'm hurt.  And I'm scared.  And I feel like he's crossed a line, broken a  trust.  And I don't know if I can stay.  I don't know if I can live like that.  Only at the same time, I don't know if I can live without him.  I've loved him for so long.

Even when we've been apart, we haven't been far apart.  And even when I tried dating other men, I couldn't because I never managed to let him go.  So, I worry what will become of me.  Will I settle and become someone I don't recognize because I'm trying to stay in a situation that will never be what it should be?  Or will I move on and have one of those half lives where I'm alive but not really living? 

Such sunny prospects, huh?

Think of me.  And if you have any useful advice or have survived a similar situation...chime in, please.