Sunday, January 23, 2011

He made my fantasy come true

I wrote about how my fantasies were different from his.  All of his fantasies involved threesomes with another girl or couples things.  He wanted us to get a little crazy.  I wanted us to incorporate toys.  He wanted to incorporate porn.  Still, I had one fantasy.  I wanted to be enough.

Throughout my entire marriage, I never felt like I was enough.  My ex cheated on me a lot, with alarming frequency.  There was always someone else.  And so it wore on my ego.  It broke down my confidence.  It made me a shadow of my former self.  All I've ever wanted was to be enough.
So, when we started talking about doing the things we've talked about doing, it was another affirmation that I still wasn't enough.  Maybe I would never be enough for anyone.  I was the one they all wanted to keep, but it was all about having their cake and eating it, too.

We pressed forward.  We tried lots of new things.  With mixed results.

And somehow, it has been good.  We have made some mistakes.  We rushed things to get anything going.  It could have really blown up in our face.  Instead, we're good.  We're still together and in love.

Then came last night.

We had a talk.  We have lots of talks.  Only this talk was extra special because he said something I never thought I'd hear.  He made my fantasy come true.

man: I don't want to look for another girl right now.  Let's forget about that for a while.  We don't need that.  We're good.  We have amazing sex.  I hope I'm not letting you down, but I want it to be just us for a while.

me: I'm enough?

man: Yeah, babe.  You're enough.  You're more than enough.

And he meant that in the best way.  It wasn't a jab at my weight.  It was genuine.  We're good.  And I don't care if it's just the two of us forever.  That's what I've always wanted.

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