Saturday, January 15, 2011

I was thinking

We're making a concerted effort to get through all of this right now.  We agreed to a month free of She-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named.  We aren't talking about her.  He's not talking to her.  It works for me.  We need time to heal.  We need time to mend our relationship.  Because most of the time, it's an amazing relationship.  Most of the time, we are the envy of all of our friends...and they don't even know the half of it.

Part of it stems, of course, from the connection we have and our amazing sex life.  It's always been that way.  And he's always been surprised when we finish at how good it was. 

man: That was some awesome sex.

me: I know.

man: We always have such great sex.

me: I know.

And after listening to him revel in it for a few minutes, I finally felt compelled to explain why.

me: You know why, right?  It's because it's not just your body.  When we have sex we're connected by our hearts and our minds as well.  It fulfills a whole lot of different needs.

And he thought about it.  In the end he agreed it hit him places he had never been hit before.  Close enough.  I know what I know.  And I know that most of the time, he comes around and sees things the way I do.

I thought about how we friends.  I thought about how I joked that when my ex finally moved out that I'd need to get a second job.  Hmm.  Maybe I'd work at Hooters.

me: Of course, no one wants to see 35 year old boobs.

And he proved me wrong.  Apparently he did. 

I'll never forget our first time.  We had been spending more and more time together.  And one night while watching a movie on the couch, he was testing.  I sat still, like you would with a deer, so as not to startle him.  I let him edge closer.  I let him lay his head on my shoulder.  I let him brush up against my boobs.  I met his gaze full on to show he could fondle away.

He was too timid.  Ah, but minutes later in the screened porch doorway, we were nuzzling and then we kissed, passionately.

man: What are we doing?

me: Kissing.

I knew that wasn't what he meant.  I knew he wanted to know my intentions, where we were going at the moment.  And I had no idea.  I just knew that my body had never responded to another body the way it responded to his.  And I liked it.  I wanted to see how far we would take it.

Minutes later, we took it right to the bedroom. 

Yeah, we turned the lights down low.  He undressed me as soon as he ripped off his clothes.  And we had the most intense sex ever.  (Well, the most intense sex I had ever had.  Since he was running things, I'm guessing we had it just the way he liked it.)  We tried position after position.  And it seemed natural.  There was none of that nervous awkwardness that comes from a first time.  It was fluid, like we had done this before, maybe for years even.  We were meant to be.

We're still meant to be. 

I told him not to be worried about fights.  Not every fight means the end.  Sometimes a fight is just a fight.  It means there are issues we have to work through.  I've taught him how to stick it out.  I've taught him there are things worth fighting for.

And he has taught me it's okay to let my freak out.  Here's to a fun and freaky weekend. 

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