Friday, January 14, 2011

The other woman

This isn't going to be the post I intended it to be.  I was going to talk about how we ended up IMing some people on Nexxus and building some bridges to hopefully hook up at some point in the not so distant future.  It was fun.  It was sexy.  And it inevitably ended with us having hours of passionate sex in our bedroom.

Ah, yes.  And then came Monday. 

Like most of the south, we were covered under a blanket of snow.  And the world shut down.  That's what happens in the south.  Two or more inches of snow and life grinds to a halt.  So, I was out of work.  And I like being home with him...mostly.

Well, we had our provisions, some food, liquor, and movies.  We were settling in for the night when all hell broke loose.  And by that, of course, I mean that I went ballistic when I discovered that he was texting that chick again.  Hadn't he just promised on New Year's Eve that they were never going to interact again?  Hadn't we agreed that pretty much anyone we had slept with previously was not going to be part of our relationship?

Oh, well, he took it all back.  They were JUST FRIENDS and they were going to stay friends.  I could like it or not.  And what did that mean?  Well, for me, it means that I am supposed to deal with him seeing her and talking to her on the phone and texting her.  And I'm not sure I can deal with that.

I'm not sure because she was all over him in front of me at our house while we were living together and he did nothing to stop her.  He didn't even stop her when she kissed him.  And I let her leave completely intact and unscathed because I have a  little thing I like to call...class.  It's something she lacks completely.

And I'm not sure because he claims she's not a threat, but uses her as a threat against me.  As in...I'm leaving and I'm going to stay with HER. favorite from the other night...if you do that, I'll go fuck HER tomorrow while you are at work.

Right.  So, naturally, I'm overreacting.  And they are in such cahoots right now over it that I'm being made to feel like the outsider, the bitch who is trying to keep him from his friend of ten years.  (Oh, make that his friend with benefits of ten years.)  No, I'm not handling this well.

I love this man with all my heart.  All of it.  It's his.  And he should take better care of it.  Only he's not.  And he's acting like I'm wrong.  And I'm not.  I'm hurt.  And I'm scared.  And I feel like he's crossed a line, broken a  trust.  And I don't know if I can stay.  I don't know if I can live like that.  Only at the same time, I don't know if I can live without him.  I've loved him for so long.

Even when we've been apart, we haven't been far apart.  And even when I tried dating other men, I couldn't because I never managed to let him go.  So, I worry what will become of me.  Will I settle and become someone I don't recognize because I'm trying to stay in a situation that will never be what it should be?  Or will I move on and have one of those half lives where I'm alive but not really living? 

Such sunny prospects, huh?

Think of me.  And if you have any useful advice or have survived a similar situation...chime in, please.

1 comment:

  1. I'll comment later about this.. Have to work now.

    You're the most important person in your life... don't forget that!