Monday, December 13, 2010
After the disappointment
It was too much.
And I was feeling this pressure. I always feel like I'm disappointing him when things go wrong. If there's anything I never want to do, it's disappoint him.
man: Let's hold off on that for a while. I'm tired of all the Craigslist bullshit.
me: I thought you really wanted this.
man: We'll hold off on that for now. Maybe in a little while we'll try The Estate.
And I was surprised. We had talked about The Estate. We had a lot of concerns. I picture people running around naked. I picture people having sex all over the place. I picture aggressive men and women coming on to both of us. And I imagine I will be really nervous, and clingy, and uncomfortable. Maybe.
Or maybe I'll be the confident one, channeling that for both of us, helping us to navigate our way through the place. Maybe he'll be shy and bashful. Maybe my emotions will be in check and I will welcome these strangers making advances and the women touching and talking to my man. I can be very surprising sometimes. That's why he keeps me.
We had a long IM the other night with a man who had been to The Estate. It really made us feel a lot more comfortable about the idea. He confirmed that there would be areas of nudity. And there will be areas where people are having sex. At the same time we won't feel pressured. And it should be a place where we can find a nice couple to play with in a less public place.
Yes, I may write about all our crazy sexcapades, but that doesn't mean I want loads of people watching us. If I was into that, we'd be working a cam site to make some money. And given our creativity and passion, we'd be making a pretty penny, too.