Friday, December 31, 2010

On the road to recovery: the beginning

So, I posed the question, wondering what it would take for us to be better.  And even while I was thinking out loud, I knew.  I needed the closeness back.  You can't get any closer than sharing your body with someone. 

He asked me to help him create a To Do list the other night.  He hates forgetting anything that he has to do.  And I gladly obliged.  I like feeling useful.  The list was rather mundane.  Call this person.  Follow up on that.  Go here.  Do that.  And finally, I added an item of my own.  I couldn't wait for him to read it.

My item:  Come home and make mad passionate love to Lexi.

Seemed like a good idea at the time.  Only we didn't really see each other until 8pm the other night.  And we both had to work in the morning.  And he admitted that, although he had seen it, it probably wouldn't happen.  So, I covered my disappointment as best I could.

me: That's okay.  Just holding me will be enough.

And I mostly meant it.

We drank a little and hung out in the man cave while he gathered together the tools of his trade for the next day.  I was staring at the pool table.  I remembered when he bought it.  We were dating, but not living together.  We had spent an afternoon shopping for it.  And then he called me when the salesman called to let him know we could have a different color of felt if we wanted.

I was surprised when he asked what I wanted.  Only, whether he realizes it or not, he's been including me in on all the big decisions of his life for as long as he's known me.  And we agreed on a color for the felt, just like we agreed that we needed to break the pool table in together.

The first night that he had it, after the guys had gone home after playing on it, we closed the garage door and got down and dirty.  By the time we were done, if you looked closely, you could see boob prints and butt prints and hand prints all over the felt.  It was awesome.  It made me laugh every time I saw it.  Because no matter how diligently he brushed it, our impressions lingered in the felt, just as we have a way of lingering on each other.

I asked a question. 

me: Truth.

man: Oh, not that game.

me: Nope.  Just truth.

He sighed in worry.

man: What?

me: Have you ever done anyone else on this table?  I just need to know if I have to pay to have the felt changed RIGHT NOW.

We've had our ups and downs.  He has been with others when we were on breaks.  I had, too.

man: No.  Never.

I smiled.  That was something.  It was a start.

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